april 22.
your head was a flower
broken by tortuous wind-
tornados after infertile earth
warmed in the middle:
around an opaque colored cloud.
like a lopsided petal
you clung to me-
birthed out of motherless blossoms
and unforeseen dusk.
the atmosphere was
a sudden-mad place of stars and
cold white neon planets:
wreathed in gentle cosmic residue.
april 22.
i crossed the atlantic
of your eyes
kept walking with silence
hand in hand; we tongued
and mouthed poetry:
summer's migraine
grained on earth.
you daydreamed of stars
even felt the madness of cold planets;
while i made mental counts:
toxin soda of mist i tasted-
draining from your antlers
to reach my lips.
Author notes
"summer's migraine" -
"it was a comparison between how they "tongued and mouthed poetry" (satire) with "summer's migraine" (the heat-stoked-fucking-headache people, some of us, get in too much exposure of heat which eventually bring sunstrokes/heatstrokes)... basically the speaker here is trying to say that her lover perhaps thinks whatever they have is love... but in actuality it's one-sided... and she feels burdened with it. i hope that clarifies the confusion."
_esha.
In a list
- a journey through poesy-ville • next in list
- Beautiful Words by Beautiful People I Know • next in list
- favorites. • next in list
all critical advice is warranted.
Comments
1 - 53 of 53
-
LMAO at the comments between you and Lex.
A cocky penis made a cameo, somehow. 
Cool collab.
"your head was a flower"
If I ever got drunk and somebody said this to me in "real life", I would probably die laughing.
But you know, alcohol isn't my thing.
Anyways, more relevantly, I am loving this analogy...it makes me think of beauty as a fallacy. I also like that you don't specify what flower it is (e.g. sunflower, and sunflowers are bloody scary)...more to the imagination. You always know when to use adjectives and when not to. 
!
"opaque colored"
I am itching for a hyphen here.
S2=holy Satan. The definition of perfection in adjective use, poetry in general...epitome of awesome.
Yep. Yep.
"motherless blossoms" My GOD, how did you guys make 'motherless' such a cool word here?!!!
"cold white neon planets"
Man, I love the lack of commas (and to think I used to think commas were like iced tea). LMAO.
Actually, I just love the sparse use of punctuation.
It's so good it doesn't need a formally-stated pauses crapping all over the place or whatnot...yeah..
My guess is that the punctuation was added by evil tempest...? I haven't seen punctuation in any of your poems so far yet...
"tongued/and mouthed poetry;"
This is what you do.
q.e.d.
That's what I try to do.
"toxin soda of mist"
Not tasty.
But it is delectably poetic...
*shoplifts it* Honestly...I want to make it a contest prompt of some kind.
Ahhhh, 'antlers'! Holy hell, I have never seen a use of 'antlers' that didn't relate to Santa's reindeer or deer in general...it's evocative and just so kick-ass that the ass levitated into space or something.
!
Jessica
-
This was, as to be expected, simply amazing. My interpretation was pretty close! I agree with Joan; that's some brilliant blending of two fantastic writers
Jeanette*~
-
-
Hey there Jeanette. I love how you have been reading my stuff and when you do, I really feel like you get lost in the pieces...This collab was one of those that just connected for me and esha and I think we did a pretty decent job, not knowing each other passed the internet.
Thanks for stopping by.
;
-
-
Hot damn.
Now that's some brilliant blending of two amazing writers.
-joan.
.
-
-
Thank you Joan,
very much for reading
our collab.
-
-
You are most welcome.
-
-
-
"i crossed the atlantic
of your eyes"
I love that line so much -
this is beautiful poetry, even if about a one-sided love..
a wonderful collab...
-
-
Yes, we wanted something that would work and also bring about a few sighs...I am glad you think so.
Thanks for the comment love. I'm sure esha will appreciate
your comment as well.
;
-
-
i love collaborations. it is always interesting to see a new style as a result of two conjoined styles. there were only a few spots where i found hints of esha, which is not a problem. other than that this is seamless. loved it.
-
-
Hints of esha are always present I think when you work with someone like her...Yes indeed. Thanks for the comment babes. How have you been? I wasn't on much lately, but thank you so much for the comment.
-
-
april 22.
your head was a flower
broken by tortuous wind-
tornados after infertile earth
warmed in the middle:
yum, i just ate this up. you both really set the tone of the piece well right from the beginning with the striking imagery of ones head being severed, but did it so beautifully. that's how i felt about the whole piece, like this beautiful distaster was taking place and it's effects were just overbearing, like it filled the universe. lovely work you. and i love my esha baby<3
-
-
Hey babes! You have no idea how nice it is to see a comment from you. 
I know that you comment when you get around to it, like me. Esha was really great to work with and I hope to do more collabs with her in the future. Of course, next is our collab. Thanks love.
;
-
-
april 22.
i crossed the atlantic
of your eyes
kept walking with silence
hand in hand
This was gorgeous. Hard to believe it came from two pens...but the talent is such that it only doubles the pleasure of reading this enchanting bit of poesy.
Bravo to the both of you!
-
-
Yes, we worked on it like mad hatters,
mixing and matching, but I think it works...
I think...LOL. I'm sure esha will be thrilled
to see your comment. It made me smile big.
;
-
-
a very interesting collab, guys and gals.
I like this. Unrequited love and all.
-
-
Thank you Rowan.
This was a lot fun
to write with esha.
;
-
-
purrrfecto!
-
-
-
-
*super man wink*
-
-
-
Oh! great metaphors here.. I really liked the flow of this piece..And the imagery was well created and vivid.. You two did a wonderful job.. I really loved it!!
Angel
-
-
Why thank you Angel. I'm sure I can
speak for esha when I say thank you as well.
-
-
i'm against the use of word mother in poetry
as I'm against of use of the word love
well ...motherless I can accept but only once
but let's not orphan meaning with fatherless lullabies
let's not crack the lips with paper anthems
where your and mine become pointless depth of a spring
that makes flowers grow unkind
stars restless
falling one by one
from the trial of two
-
-
And let's not forget that repetition
is the first and last trip to hell,
or so I've heard. I love your poem
comments. They make me bubble. And I'm
sure esha would agree.
-
-
well, a poem is nothing but essence
that's why grand words,
phrases, turn fast into cliche;
you need subtleties to make the details
unclear the obvious. -
-
and then you have words with
slightly stupid faces
running around with their testicles clipped
singing "we are the lollipop guild"
until our faces scrunch up
and the letters fall apart
and the arrogant cliché monster starts
to march with a different drum
-
-
to the rhythm of fist punch
cross the hard beat
her penis cockier
his void cockless
this part apart
the vocal voiceless
redeem the wordless substance
of the word
to end same start -
-
"her penis cockier"- Oh my. Just like that into the void, for sure. Off the topic of poetry for a moment...Have you seen the movie "birth" with nicole kidman? I need to recommend it to someone.
-
-
no I haven't
but if you recommended it...
-
-
Yes I certainly do. A very good film.
I found it quite poetic, just in the
way it was filmed and considered.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
"i crossed the atlantic
of your eyes
kept walking with silence
hand in hand;"
Simply magwonderlous. (Magnificent/wonderful/marvelous combined) Wanda
-
-
Why thank you Wanda.
You are quite wonderlous yourself, ya know.
Thanks for reading our little thingy.
;
-
-
Umm, interesting contrasts and use of conflicting images (things I love coz I have to think about the links and meanings) The warm and cold methaphors and the sense of chaos spinning into a cosmic mellow wreath of cold plants and mad stars that still seem to calm is interesting ... as is the lack of a nurturing earth. I'm not sure I see the summer's migraine as necessarily graining the earth (presumably to seed it's infertility?), but that's just because I don't see headaches and seed sowing as compatible
But then maybe I'm just reading the whole thing wrong anyway 
... reader reads from her own twisted mind ya know Anyway, my sense is that this is good soul fuck and you guys made beautiful music together
-
-
it was a comparison between how they "tongued and mouthed poetry" (satire) with "summer's migraine" (the heat-stoked-fucking-headache people, some of us, get in too much exposure of heat which eventually bring sunstrokes/heatstrokes)... basically the speaker here is trying to say that her lover perhaps thinks whatever they have is love... but in actuality it's one-sided... and she feels burdened with it. i hope that clarifies the confusion. sorry. eeek.
thanks for reading though. -
LOL. "Good soul fuck"... Cannons just mentioned that part as well with the migraine bit and I'll have to run it by esha when she is on...I think we live in two very different places so when one is on, the other usually isn't...LOL. But I already am on the fence about how to strengthen that part or at least, ask esha about it. Did you mean planets? You said plants. My eyes are shit sometimes, but I didn't miss that. I think we wanted something that connected on a universal and in a personal sense, at least, I think we were on that same wavelength... You can read my and anyone else's poetry any way you want, as long as you come away with a feeling that you have read poetry. That's what matters most. Thank you for the lovely comment. You make me smile big up into my ears.
;
-
-
Well I love it, the strong metaphor, wondering about 'migraine grained...it doesn't roll off the tongue as smooth as the rest, perhaps 'etched on earth'?
I enjoyed 'birthed out of motherless blossoms' made me think of orphaned children or abandonment of love from a parental source and how they fall sometimes, like petals, by the wayside and no one scoops them up again. Often two of those type of people cling to one another for each other knows how it feels. I like this you two...well done Love, C
-
-
Thank you Cheryl. I'll have to run that line by esha and see what she thinks, as I don't want to change something that she may or may not like, ya know? But yes, it does seem a little awkward to me. When she is next on, I'll run it by her...Though she should read this comment seeing as both our names are on it. I think that was what we were going for. Glad it seems that way as, like I said earlier, I was a little afraid we wouldn't match. I'm relieved. Thanks again!
;
-
-
-
-
Your flowers are so pretty.
Did you get that IM about me babbling about
poetry? Probably not...LOL. I've been
having trouble with this IM system of late.
Thank you.
; -
-
Oh...no, I didn't I've been having trouble with the IM's too....try again, I feel like I've missed out now!
And I will come and leave more than a flower later just commenting brain is on holidays today.
-
-
I'll see if I can remember most of it...But it was me telling you about some poets you should look into and things like that. I'll get back to you in an IM shortly and if it doesn't work, I'll just tell you here...Or on your page. You don't have to leave huge comments. Sometimes I have nothing to say, nothing wrong with that.
-
-
-
-
-
-
having come to the point of reading you often (and gladly so) I can hear the voice of you, yet I am not familiar with evil temptest's work and I cannot tell which voice is which...a complete melding of the two
there are a few gender hints but the bleak mother earth and the universe was a beautiful play with metaphor.
we tongued
and mouthed poetry:
summer's migraine
grained on earth.
this was my favorite passage although all of it is wonderful.
this caught my eye and ear as the repeating sound..almost a pounding effect
not many can full this off and you both were masterful
I hope to see more in the future from this dynamo
best wishes
peace Muddy
-
-
Hey Richard. You should certainly check her out...She's an outstanding writer. I'm very glad our voices meshed cause when we first started, I was generally afraid that we might not meld...That happens sometimes. But I'm very happy to say that was not the case. Working with her was quite fluid and we just sort of clicked, which is a lot more than I can say for most people when I collab. I hope to work with her again in the future as well. It was a learning experience and a lot of fun.
;
-
-
I felt as if I was caught in a tornado, this was fabulous. There really isn't any negative commentary I could give on this. Bravo!
-
-
Why thank you. I don't think I
am familiar with your work. I
will certainly check it out now.
;
-
-
This was truly amazing!
-
-
Thank you babes.
I think we did a good job, never
having worked together before.
I love when you stop by.
;
-
-
OOOH i like the last line there! =]
I liked this it was very neat. Had lots of like, gobstopper kind of images. So sci-fi.
"wreathed in gentle cosmic residue."
I found that verrry pretty. It was like, saturns rings are made out of icing and full of little flowers. An extremely dreamy & cosmic journey! Bewwwtiful.
<3
-
-
Hey there pretty girl.
I was thinking when we were writing it that
the images were taking on a sci-fi feel
as well and I think how the imagery started
to play off sound was key to making it work.
"made out of icing and full of little flowers"
- You should write that down and make a
poem out of it. Glad you enjoyed our little
poetic connection.
;
-
-
wow, you two meshed very nicely. this was lovely. i love all of it. great job both of you .
-
-
Shucks.
Well you would love it like you
love me. But yes, she is dynamite and quite
a talent on here. I thought it meshed well and
that's rare to achieve I think between two writers.
Thank you cookie.
;
-
-
okay, this is coolness and the lines "i crossed the atlantic of your eyes" is ultracoolness.
the last stanza ranks 'ultracoolness' as well.
great imagery . . . great poem. damn fine piece, I must say.
-
-
Well, I won't say who did what or where.
But thank you. It was fun to work with her and
I highly recommend you read her stuff outside
of this collab.
;
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 53 of 53
