If I could have given you the world
then it would be in my fingertips
sent off with a kiss
place it on your doorstep
I'd give you ignorance and bliss
because I promised.
But I couldn't so you dipped.
Author notes
I tried 
It's funny how you make all these promises when you're with someone you love when you know that at the time, you can't do it. I found that it's better not to make those kinds of promises at all.
A contest entry
- Show Me Your M-E-T-H-O-D, Man by secberm.
1000 points, ended August 23, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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ooo it sounds like this is juicy but I'm not gonna dip in your biz. Nice write sis.
John -
This is sad, we should know better than to make or believe in impossible promises in relationships, yet we do it again and again... great piece!
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wow
this is funny but it's sooooooooooo true.... many of us make promises that we cAN'T keep.thanxs 4 keeping it sweet and simple
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If At First You Don't Succeed
irrelevant & moot point for you did indeed succeed. i think the key here is the length. a notion of separation that is conveyed succinctly with a totally hipster ending. actually, for me, the ending is almost the whole purpose and the capstone of the other leading lines. stated respectfully...it is the communication of the existence of immature feelings on one or both sides of the equation of the relationship.
writeoutloud!
the aosharpie
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Thank you...glad to see you back!!!
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Great write here. Short and to the point. I love the realness. Best of luck in the contest.
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Wonderful piece, sis... I don't much care for the last line. I think it takes away from the body/concept/message especially if poetry is about telling a story or painting a picture then taking away what's not needed. PERSONALLY I think with:
"...place it on your doorstep
I'd give you ignorance and bliss
because I promised..."
the last line can be assumed. Anyway, I also think the first six line speaky, speaky... Others may find it cliche but 'f' 'em. Sometimes cliche works and cliches exist b/c... O, I don't know... They happen!
I don't know what your intention was here but um... Yeah...
Thanks for entering, turkey bird. Good luck and write on. One.
Dez
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i liked how it was short and stayed to how you were really feelin. we all make those promises like, 'i'll never hurt you' or 'i'll always love you' or 'i can change for YOU.' and a lot of the time that just aint the case, you know? but love makes you do some crazy ish. keeps you from seeing straight. makes everything else seem worthless while you have to do everything you can to make that one person hella happy or they could just disappear, right? but sometimes they still do.
i liked this ma.
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Yep, I agree.
different approach, but unique all in the same. Loved it
Thank you and good luck.
ephiphany
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Hhmm..
This is a very interesting, and different approach..I LIKE IT. Only thing was I wish you could said just a bit more because, each time you write you show a 'sign' of pure talent!
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