Wonderings

Sometimes
I think to myself
too much
but sometimes
I have to let it out
before it builds up
to the point I explode
instead of telling close ones
I write
It's easier to say
no messy ways of explaining
the way my head wraps itself
around the dreams and goals
I entertwin my heart with

Since I was a little girl
I always knew I wanted to be a mom
a wife
a lover
a life-long companion, a best friend
Little children running about
"Mommy" chasing them down the hall
tickling and laughing
my husband coming home from work
to find me in the kitchen
cooking our meal
wrapping his arms around me
and telling me how much he missed me
and loves me
Fixing the youngest one's meal
and changing diapers
because that's what moms do best
Cleaning up laundy, complaining that there's so much
even I wish for that, as crazy as it sounds
to clean up messes, drinks and toys.
To wake my husband with a kiss and a smile
tell him he's the only one I want for life
and that I love him every day



this living of the monotoneous life
we have
isn't growing on me at all
will I be married
little curly heads about our feet
and in our arms?
or will I still be in this dead-end job
wasting away into quiet dread
with no-one to live for?
Will I still be procrastinating
about cars, work and money?
Or will I have the man of my dreams
with the children of our hearts
to grace upon us the smiles
we share every day of our lives?
The beautiful dream is different for everyone
but the goal is what I write of
and a family is more important to me
than a mountain of cars or gold

To be loved, to have love
and to love
my husband
my children
my best friend
my other half

My soulmate