I stare up at azure skies
And smell the blossoms from the honeysuckle vines
It contradicts the dilapidated shed
That groans like a diseased-being overhead.
The displaced tools shout out in fear
As if we forget they are here.
The delusion of a time well passed
Come rolling back and break through the glass.
Forsaken for much newer technology,
The harmony of the harlot sensibility.
The isolated items left to rust
Feel jaded now and are covered in dust.
Now kindred spirits fill my mind,
As I go back to another time;
Where I did loathe the time spent away
From the activities and my time of play.
The duties that took my heart and soul
Were malicious and nauseating, against my goal
To be a writer and I thought best when I worked
Then the opaque chain would be given a jerk.
My daddy thought poetry was poiso- like
And would take my papers saying “Go ride your bike”.
I always wanted to query about his disdain
But knew the best remedy was to ride in the rain.
Upon reflection I can see
The sparkle in my eyes made me feel free.
But to him they were just scabs of his dream
Tattered and torn by raising a family, a team.
I was never underprivileged for any earthly thing,
Yet,I longed for a time to “do my own thing”.
On the verge of yearning I silently dreamed.
I was zealous and finally my time, well it came.
So I sit here tonight struggling with this inward fight
And take a deep breath in utter delight
Glad I can write this all down
Take a cigar and ride my bike into town.
Author notes
.x. Azure
.x. Blossom
.x. Dilapidated
.x. Disease
.x. Displaced
.x. Delusions
.x. Forsaken
.x. Harmony
.x. Harlot
.x. Isolated
.x. Jaded
.x. Kindred
.x. Loathe
.x. Malicious
.x. Nauseating
.x. Opaque
.x. Poison
.x. Query
.x. Remedy
.x. Reflection
.x. Sparkle
.x. Scabs
.x. Tattered
.x. Underprivileged
.x. Verge
.x. Yearn
.x. Zealous
A contest entry
- Lost in Darkness by Victoria of Aragon.
1050 points, ended August 20, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites, show me what you got. by GraveyardGoddess.
400 points, ended July 22, 97 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Very good write
Thanks for entering,
Good luck. -
An Excellent Poem!
I greatly enjoyed your rhyming and rhythm, while I found your wording and imagery reminiscent of Poe, who I believe was the greatest of poets. The tale of your younger days reminds me of my own, with the shed, flowers, bicycle, father, and desire to be a writer. I enjoyed your poem each time I read it. Well done! ~Charles~
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you did a fabulous job pouring your heart out in this remarkable write. You used a lot of words in this piece as well. I love it! best of luck in the contest.
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Whoah-ho. It seems you are like a couple of my previous contestants, and seem to adore the words I've seltected for use, heh'. In all honestly, I never expected people to use as many as they have.. Ah, well; onto business?
I enjoyed the end rhyme you had throughout this poem, though there were a few instances were it felt forced. Especially in the following lines:
My daddy thought poetry was poison like
And would take my papers saying “Go ride your bike”.
I know how frustrating it can be to try and find a rhyme for a certain word, so no worries. I just want to actually critique the work entered here; so no hard feelings.
Other than that, this was a beautiful entry. I could feel as if I was that child forced to give up creativity on the whim of a parent. Splendidly done. ^_^ My Muse applauds your work.
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