Surrounded by darkness,
I stand alone,
in the bitter haze of smoke I choke,
my crucifix is my only guide.
My hair, enflamed by the billowing wisps,
stands on end in fear of what's to come,
suddenly the cross begins to glow,
and I feel the presence of God flow
into me, I am strong.
Dearest Lord, protect me from this land of shadows,
bring me forth into the light,
out of this hell of haze and smoke,
this poor poor land which has suffered blight
because of me, because of what I've done.
The cross lights up, I can finally see,
the path by Him set forth for me,
I begin my walk, I cannot breathe,
because now, with him, can finally see.
With the power of God and my crucifix,
I can beat the demon and his dreadful tricks.
Author notes
http://soop4evah.deviantart.com/art/Buffy-52978374
A contest entry
- Individualized pics #4 by notorious.
2239 points, ended August 19, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
First of all, you've capitalized the beginning of almost very line.
To me personally, this has a very amateur/traditional look that isn't particularly endearing.
I notice you use periods in your poems, so maybe after every period, you can capitalize the beginning of a line. If it's the same "thought" or line, then it shouldn't really be capitalized.
Also...some inconsistent capitalizations with "God".
"And I feel the presence of god flow"
Lots of people don't capitalize 'God', but you did in the last stanza, so I think you should keep that consistent.
Tell me when you make edits.
Good luck -
Adding your comment:
