Often in an isolation, under some old trees,
sphere monotonous puts a sadness I feel;
leave the whole plain to include in my looks,
a changeable scenery which spreads to vision.
Sounds of foliage with froth ferny murmurs,
caressing winds to get lost in dark limits;
immobile asymmetrical area as an asleep night,
with sublime despair to throw in my arms.
Hear all voices from a single isolated concert,
in a dark conspiracy within guilty designs,
will be at a turn, accused of gross madness,
a destiny in midst of clamors, blames, censure.
Sheet of the forest falls down on the meadows,
as a misty carriage that leads shades imbalance,
rising the whole wide horizon in vain vague bogey,
stops, listens to an insensitive, incapable emotion.
Author notes
~spiritualangel~
Picture Prompt
http://x-horizon.deviantart.com/art/Dark-Tales-21163820
A contest entry
- Individualized pics #4 by notorious.
2239 points, ended August 19, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Overall, this piece felt a little too wordy for me...like, I feel like you could've expressed the same thoughts with slightly less words.
There are many instances of what I might call filler-fluff words like: 'in', 'an', 'the', 'with', 'within'
"Sounds of foliage"
I do like this part...because you know, nature DOES talk. Totally.
"dark limits"
Also fancy this phrase...it's mysterious, and almost seductive...
I love commas, but I felt you used too many of them...You used them in the right instances, but as I said before, you could do with a lot less words.
Good luck
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It's not an anonymous contest, I know your username already
http://x-horizon.deviantart.com/art/Dark-Tales-21163820
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