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Fighting Evil By Moonlight

 

karaoke bar -
I played charades;
school girl outfit jiggled arias
around my perky yet nubile breasts


emerald haze;
smoke swirled cup-clanked laughter
as I sang schoolyards and anime
while you longed to press me against
the folds of your favorite trashy
manga


read me backwards -
I am straightforward;


lustless eyes peering past
naïvité into the back up vocals
that are your lewd, crooning desires


performance settles;
heads turn like planets,
but I am Jupiter -
with a graceful orbit
around their pawing hands
and into their wallets,
thunder claps my victory dance


another midnight success.


  

Author notes

Prompt: http://darebear.deviantart.com/art/Sailor-Jupiter-26812761

After writing not one, or two, but EIGHTEEN more poems before completing this one, I decided it was finally time to pay up. *Glares at the pic* This is what I came up with.

A contest entry

Critical Review Desired.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 33 of 33

  • Nakatrea
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    I never thought you could say so much about sailor jupiter... but this is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!

    while you longed to press me against
    the folds of your favorite trashy
    manga

    My favourite lines for no reason other than they stood out to me.

    Wish I could describe life Marty-Style.. perhaps there will come a day.


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    November 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I found much imagination and beautiful colors in this write of words and wisdom. You depict images of quality and self esteem laden within this anime image.

    Well done. ~Pamela


  • Nom de Plume
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Not sure whats the problem with the sad person below me... this shows your imagination and creativity, I like the underlying theme...
    a great write in my books...


  • aparnaagarwal
    October 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A KIDDY POE

    • TheCorrodedBreed
      October 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Once again, you make very little sense. I don't know, were you trying to say "kitty poet" but you were confused on letters, and forgot to add the "T?" That happens to me a lot, too. Psst, kitty poet makes no sense. You may wish to think of something that exists within our universal realm, and not yours. The world does not revolve around your brain.

      Please, learn to make sense.


  • Poetic Tasha Moderators member
    October 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i have no F'n clue what the below comment says, but boys oh boy you have a unique way with words and imagery that is definately all your own and not easily duplicated, kudos to you.

    I find it funny when people try to sound intelligent by criticising one's poem in an incomprehensible way ...


    Tasha

  • Mickie27
    October 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The voice in here was clear and really created stunning poetry. This poem contains real charm. You have painted a wonderful picture that really sets the atmosphere for this poem.


  • Amera gold member
    October 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well I must say that "what you came up with" is pretty good. "perky yet nubile" huh?

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • jamiedoring
    October 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Critical Review Desired, huh?

    Yeah...thats because you know how good you are, lol.

    Loved this. I honestly couldnt offer ya anything but praise here...Good luck in the contest!


  • XbloodXroseX
    August 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow.
    sailor moon was my first "anime"
    sailor jupiter is amazing.
    nice take on it xD


  • sailor ptolema
    August 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    .

    `


  • lilAj
    August 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    *grins*
    wow


  • notorious gold member
    August 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I already gave you applause? LoL sorry about the green trophy, I actually am.
    This rocked my face off...go Sailor Jupiter.


  • xXDarkChildXx
    August 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    LMAO! I will NEVER be able to look at sailor jupiter AGAIN! This poem will ALWAYS come to my mind... oh God! I don't think I've ever laughed this much to a poem! but prob because I use to WATCH this show! omg! I am laughing soo much... nice job. But damn... that is sooo wrong to think about her that way. lmao nice job... later.


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    August 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    hehe.. I love this! Sounds like she's lusted after and it annoys the hell out of her, but she uses it to her advantage in the end.. and why not! lol


  • wbiro gold member
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I kind of prefer 'jiggling' lol though it isn't in the same tense as 'played' (but neither is 'jiggles') since this is sentence fragments, the tenses might as well be fragmented, too, to lend to the abstracted ambiance...


  • notorious gold member
    August 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    LMFAOLMFAOLMFAO!!!

    I honestly don't think I've said 'LMFAO' 3x in a row recently.

    I actually laughed out loud...

    A good thing!!

    Hey, it's your fault you made that comment about Sailor Jupiter.

    This is both a good poem for the pic & a good poem in itself.

    "karaoke bar -
    I played charades;"
    LoL!!! Cleverly unexpected opening, I'll say.

    "school girl outfit jiggling arias
    around my perky yet nubile breasts"
    LoL...I think 'jiggling' could be 'jiggles' so it's not a gerund.

    'naïvité'
    I may be wrong...but isn't this usually 'naivety'???


    "cup-clanked laughter"
    Likey this...and nice hyphen. This has both image & sound what with the clanking & the visuals.

    Like seasons, 'anime' & 'manga' don't need to be capitalized...though if you wanted it to be, I guess I won't have a cow.

    "Read me backwards -
    I am straightforward;"
    Why is 'Read' capitalized when none of the other line beginnings are?? Inconsistency...
    Other than that, THIS IS GENIUS!!! ABSOLUTELY GENIUS!!!

    "heads turn like planets"
    LoL...clever & fun simile. 'turn' is much better than 'turning'...I am glad you didn't use a gerund there.

    "but I am Jupiter"
    How bold.

    "thunder claps my victory dance"
    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That's Lita's attack.

    "another midnight success."
    Hell yes.

    The title cracked me up.

    Good luck & thanks for not turnin' down the pic

  • notorious gold member
    August 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Lita was pretty.

  • sailor ptolema
    August 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    dude...i feel for you...

  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    August 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Your pic is even harder than mine Good luck.. I know it'll be amazing tho!!

  • notorious gold member
    August 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Posty up the pic? Break my black heart if you don't


  • Soft-Rain gold member
    August 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    goodluck yourself looks like your gonna need it lol


  • notorious gold member
    August 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    You don't want to hurt me for that pic, do you?
    I think it's fabulous. Found it in my favorites, & it made me grin.


  • notorious gold member
    August 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Sure, I like you LOTS. HAHAHAH
    http://darebear.deviantart.com/art/Sailor-Jupiter-26812761

    Because of a certain comment you left on my poem recently...

    LMAOLMAO I expect something truly hilarious/good


    • Age of Rain
      August 7, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      I am going to set that show's infernal theme song in a virus and send it to you. Watch as your computer screen slowly dematerializes into jiggling japanese 'sailors' singing and transforming in technocolor flashes of epilectic melody. *Sends hateful thoughts*........*ends hate rant* *sighs* We'll see what I can do...


      • notorious gold member
        August 7, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA don't feel sullied by silliness...I mean, I gave Dan a sketch of Keanu Reeves.

        'technicolor' is a cool word

1 - 33 of 33