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Demonic Love

I meant to break his
heart in half,
to see him drown in pain
while I stood by
to laugh.

I meant to hold control
and watch him die,
but there was no sound
no splintered
shattered cry.

i meant to crack his fragile shell,
extinguish hope,
and watch him burn
in Hell.

I meant to break him
with the pain
that once broke me,
I only tried to set
my own soul free.

But still the darkness
won the war,
and it's me who falls

broken to the 

bloody floor.

The demonic sacrifice
my fate,
and with my tortured eyes
I realize I've come

to late.

 

Shards of hope lie

splintered on the frozen ground,

as the demons from

my dreams

take my soul without

a sound. 

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • ashley-dani
    February 23

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this was really amazing.
    "Shards of hope lie splintered on the frozen ground."---Left a clear picture in my mind.


  • monu
    January 21

    Edit | Reply

    flashinlgy awesome

    just like sum 41's songs, damn!, its goes around teen thinking, its all clear-cut, nice and a straight one!! real good one!!


  • The Reaper Beast
    November 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    awsome

    i loved it


  • sewasham gold member
    September 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A powerful piece of writing. You put a lot of emotion into your work. Nicely done. Take care and Have fun. Steve


  • thrushong
    September 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is really good. You will go far with your writing. Keep up the good work.


  • Lil-Bit Crazy
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    holy crap this was awesome.... love it.... your really really good.... keep writing im adding you as a favorite... hugs hugs hugs.....!


  • OnceUponAMind silver member
    August 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Amazing write you've penned here... This is very strong, I can feel your emotions just pouring from this piece.
    I like the visuals as well...
    "no splintered
    shattered cry"

    "i meant to crack his fragile shell,
    extinguish hope,
    and watch him burn
    in Hell."

    "Shards of hope lie
    splintered on the frozen ground,"

    Great write, I do hope you keep writing Amber



  • Intravenous Jesus
    August 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    First and only flaw I noted was in the second to last stanza, last line you wrote "to" where "too" should have been. Other than that, not bad at all. I love the irony of how the poem played out, how you meant to kill him and it ended up killing you. The rhyme was neat too, sporadic, but in a way that helped it just flow along. Excelent write!


  • peregrin
    August 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    WOW!
    Um...
    Ok,
    Very good flow to it...
    And It was interesting,
    it was good to read...

    "Shards of hope lie
    splintered on the frozen ground,
    as the demons from
    my dreams
    take my soul without
    a sound. "

    Wow...
    Good work!

1 - 11 of 11