within the shadows she lurks
a tainted beauty
her kiss is forbidden
but to thee tis demonic and so
sweet
Author notes
http://revmac.deviantart.com/art/WIP-Sensual-Greed-76156892
A contest entry
- 15/20 Semi - Quickie by Sweet Impatience.
450 points, ended August 11, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Short, sweet and quite taking. I'm not sure that the archaic speech forms worked here, though.
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i believe it was only allowed to be so many words for this contest.. thank you.
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knows tis sweet, has taken its darkness and yet, there is a cherubic innocence, so forbidden in the darkest of worlds ... this is sexy, dark and moist
wicked and beautiful this is
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Lovely flow and imagery... "a tainted beauty"... great phrasing and carries such a wonderful flavor of the prompt... Excellent take and a wonderful entry...
Ken
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Some extremely vivid and evocative description going on here and the form is appropriate and flows well. One very minor nitpick, not overly sure if 'thee' and 'tis' work with the rest which is completely modern in form. Maybe it was part of the rules you had to follow for your contest? Liked the contrast created by demonic and sweet, they did work well and followed the use of tainted appropriately. I liked the minimal use of language to create impact. A chilling write here, thanks for sharing.
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i like it short and sweet
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