Immersed in the ghostly glory of the autumn birches hoary,
she is dancing lambently to a lilting tune; I am bas-relief
spying from these trees: as moonbeams fall on branches, pour through the seams,
and spill the ground with pools and streams upon each flitting, fragile leaf,
She, with lithe and supple grace, is weaving love... or is it grief?
And she - with every twirl and pause, every wide sweep of her hand
round the glen as if to find her long lost lover in the endless sleeping trees -
she is stealing all my breath, yet far am I from nearing death!
I blink but once, and she is gone. A silent dawn has stilled the breeze,
and I wander searching for a long lost feeling in the endless sleeping trees...
A contest entry
- -♥-~*Beautiful*~-♥- by xwarriorXprincessx.
900 points, ended August 18, 2008, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Finding Love [True Love Waits Forever][Awaiting Arrival Of Unborn Child] by stargazer..
400 points, ended April 20, 62 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your absolute BEST! (1,009 points, winner takes all) by AutumnsFlame.
1858 points, ended December 5, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Secret Love by piccola.
650 points, ended October 22, 2008, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITE!!!!! by darkscorpia.
640 points, ended May 19, 131 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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"spying from these trees: as moonbeams fall through branches seams
and spill the ground with pools and streams upon each flitting, fragile leaf,"
i love this you are so good good luck to you in the contest -
I like the way you compare the trees to women and how beautiful the trees are and how beautiful women are to you. At least that is what I think you did! Great peice of poetry here. People will generally be hard on poetry that doesn't follow a particular pattern or a pattern they are no tused to. I used to be that way but I am learning there are so many forms of poetry I come to appreciate all of it unless it doesn't rhyme, still trying to handle this free-verse or free flow whatever style. Great job!!!!
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unless your form poem counts syllables (but even if it does) you should think of more condense language...the excess articles and fragments seem to detract from your poem's theme. But if this is truly your style, prose poetry, there are still ways to elaborate on the flow of the language, tighten the imagery to where each word is meaningful, all while adhering to your syllable count.
Other than that, good job...
by the way, illustrating the power or appearance of the sylph, in addition to the sylph's effect on the narrator, could help the poem in its overall impact.
Shoot
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Great!
I really like this. It's well-written with good diction, has a nice fluid rhythm and vivid imagery.
It also found it very interesting how you spliced the lines. It's prose-y in essence but it gushes poetic grace and style.
It has a powerful energy combined with a whimsical style that makes the whole piece all the more beautiful.
Keep up the good work. Great job!
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Some of these judges get my goat! They praise your work to high heaven and then ... not so much as an HM. I think we need to go to a contest system of only trophies and points but forget the comments. All this praise just gives false hopes. I hate it myself. The poem is beautiful ...
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WOW.... ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL.... (and I am a harsh critic, so I don't say that a lot.) The imagery and metaphors expressed in this had me until the very last line! I'd say it was near perfect, if not, 100% perfect! GREAT job, and thank you for entering!
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Very nice
This story is very nice and it does bring the reader into it. I really enjoyed the journey, The Shaker
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wooooowwww.
this made my head spin.... it was as if i could feel myself in some kind of enchanted forest. lovely lovely write. excellent job!
thank u so much for your wonderful entry!
best wishes and best of luck in my contest!
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