The child weeps, her dad digs the hole.
They bury poor Jasper, muttering 'Bless his soul".
She looks at her mum 'Is Jasper in Heaven?"
"Yes dear", she sobs "Doggy Heaven".
The girl's now a teen, led out of class.
The deputy tells her, her gran has just passed.
And sobbing she says, under her breath.
A little prayer, for her grannies death.
A young lady, emotions awry
Entopic foetus, the child dies
Not a year after a Christian marriage
A sad prayer, a terrible miscarriage
An old lady, 86years young
A prayer for her health, but her time is done
A gentle sleep, a warm summer breeze
The night takes her, she stays at ease.
Long since buried, since funeral cries
The ice melts, the sea levels rise.
The storms and the heat, drought and THE war.
No prays goodbye, humans no more.
No matter the pain, the unjust or unkind
No matter the deaths, the torture or crime
The religious belief, in their heart of hearts
That an invisible man cares, as their world falls apart.
Author notes
I was originally thinking of writing a poem about imaginary friends, like santa and tooth fairy.. I even had a name picked out "Artificial Companions"... but I've written a lot from that perspective. So I put a little more thought into it. It got me thinking how no matter what the situation, people always believe. Even when their loved ones die. And so I got thinking, how far could you push that. Pet dying? Parent? Child? Themselves? The world?.... and it all sort of fell into place after that.
A contest entry
- Make fun of the afterlife by michael thomas.
450 points, ended August 9, 2008, 3 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
Nicely done. Smooth and conveys your point. In my opinion, the veil is good, doing what it is suppose to do for spirit to take an adventure.
-
"Afterlife", the first and gold trophy would have won any contest for the funny mock words that make it a joy to read. The writer is playing with the concept and nothing could be more enjoyable than this type of joy. It is a true honor to have ea write her delightful words. I thank her.
The two other admissions were not funny but the writer tried his best to answer the prompt in his fashion. I love making jokes of serious concepts because I have learned that in our world nothing is as it seems, therefore taking anything too seriously makes us a bit lopsided. I truly thank this writer for submitting to the first prompt and then to the second prompt that I used to make the contest a little easier to write towards. I allowed both admissions because of this change. His poems are well worth the read and I am honored.
Both of you, thank you. I know that despite the small response, your words are seen by many eyes and hearts that we never imagine.
-
This is a very well done saga that does fit into explaining or drawing out belief. You are good at scenes and plot structure. You could be a very good short story writer in the way you handle your words. Your writing pinpoints an element of belief that is absolutely true, no matter what belief or how, the element of sadness and evil exists along with the good. Paradox of any belief system is the co-existent forces. Thank you for the lovely first entry to the contest.
-
-
Thank you for one of the longest, and kindest, reviews I've ever received. I just feel for you if you are planning on doing the same on all 1500 poems you have space for
.
-
-
PS 24 lines, not sure the word count, didn't bother counting.
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
