I
Her anger is a crushed fly
crawling for miles.
The kind of anger
That stirs and rises
and brings hot tears.
The anger that cuts deeper,
bleeds more
and refuses to heal.
It is not rage.
It is the eye of the storm
and the chaos in your heart.
It is the anger undergoes
transformation so much that
you can’t capture it.
Anger is the rain
dancing on your windowsill
continuous and claming
enough to know that
this isn’t the end.
It can’t speak or move
and can only be released in isolation.
Her anger can’t scream in a crowd
and while it goes away for now,
there are still the missing pieces
that can’t find their place.
II
If her anger is
the blood splattered on the cracked windows,
then who are you?
That’s right, you’re nobody.
You are the cause and the motion
in which anger
is the bullet and then it is suicide.
Anger is the venom,
that drips on her tongue
and surges in her body like the adrenaline
that consumes you
and that venom drips, devastates and deforms.
Her anger is red,
A knife and fire
And you are the ignition.
Anger, I am the raging storm.
Author notes
i wrote this piece in a creative writing class that had anger as the basis of the poem.
i'm not convinced this is one of my best, my the tutor loved it and doesn't want me to alter it, and i'm actually glad someone liked my work so i'm posting it here.
i don't know if this is obvious but for me when i feel anger i usually feel it in two different forms. the first is hurt anger and the second is just anger anger.
critiques obviously allowed, but i doubt i'll change it.
5th august 08.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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-your beginning two lines blew me away. i expected a lot from it onwards. i really expected you to blow me away with your entire piece. however, i felt ups and downs while reading this. i've seen better from you. still, it was good.
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"the splattered on the cracked windows"
- I think you meant "splatters". Or you could
just removed "the" and it would work. I found the first two stanza's to be the most effective, as the emotional brevity there was dead on. I felt that this stanza was generally weak:
"You are the cause and the motion
in which anger
is the bullet and then it is suicide.
Or maybe anger is the venom
that drips on her tongue
that surges in her body like the adrenaline
that consumes you
and the venom that drips, devastates and deforms."
- And it's not the whole thing, it's these areas:
"or maybe", I don't think this over-explanation is needed, and "that" repeated so close, where it worked above, I don't think it did in this stanza. "That’s right, you’re nobody." - This also I think could leave entirely, cause you are already explaining the idea more pronounced in the next stanza. I do love the end though and how that ties into the beginning, which was a good choice. I know that you might not change anything, as I often am the same way, but I wanted to be honest regardless.
Nice to see you post.
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waah i must have been doing everything too fast when i typed the splattered bit. it's meant to say 'if her anger is the blood splattered' thanks for pointing that out.
i agree with the 'or maybe' i was debating that, and i agree with all the thats. i actually think i should change that. I guess also that you notice it more because of the way I've broken up the lines, but alas i'm fond of short lines. But really I will do something about that because it annoys me now.
i do appreciate your honesty!
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Sometimes all we need is another eye to skim our stuff and then we're like: "yeah, I see that now". I like shorter lines as well most times, but you're right, it could have been that also, which brought it more to my attention. I thought that splattered part was probably a mistake and I'm glad I caught it.
Your stuff is always so emotional regardless of what I find to mention. I'm glad you appreciate honesty as I very much like doing it.
You're welcome.
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that was full of emotion. It was raw. i totally felt what you were saying. Great write.
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I really like this. It's wonderfully written and the descriptions add so much to the piece. I agree with your tutor and don't see any need to alter it. Great write.
x
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