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each a small death

Missing image

 

 

 

 

 

with merciless, quick cuts
i dead-head balloon flower

snip a bud


another grows

-

after glen died
with frost too deep for interment
they placed him temporarily in a mausoleum

his long body stretched frozen
awaiting permanence

i had no such wait


-

 

the new tree's leaves

curl into arthritic fingers

each a small warning

before the long death

-

i know he was alive once
because i found him

 

his name scrawled as big as an angel
as beautiful as jesus;

an eleven year old
holding tight a new world

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

m 

Author notes

found a little piece of my brother - a little piece of us

under the bridge- back home...

In a list

A contest entry

-

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 74 of 74

  • Mari Goes gold member
    September 11

    Edit | Reply
    I sense sadness, tenderness, 'saudade' all together, but none of those feelings tumbled over each other. They are there, each on their own showing special memories.

    'poems that I might enjoy', that feature brought me here, and I of course, have seen your name in many other pages of some of my favourites...am glad I finally used that feature.


    • Cat gold member
      September 11
      Edit | Reply
      a lovely comment.. thank you..

  • kdom
    July 2
    Edit | Reply
    Not much to say that hasn't already been said. This is beautiful.


  • redbird
    January 7
    Edit | Reply
    i stillll love this


  • Puking Faerie Dust gold member
    November 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I hate nostalgia but it can't be avoided sometimes. I guess it's good to be able to look back on those moments though. Anyway, it was choppy but that's the only way I would have liked it,lol. I don't know, I've been at a loss for words lately so I'll just say that this is definitely awesome
    Jeanette*~


  • badnovocaine
    October 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Aw I do agree with the comments below this is SO SO good. Wow I think I have a new favorite. Actually I think that this is a very good poem because there is not very many poems that make me sad. Not to say that I dont feel it in some way shape or form, Im just not usually that kind of person. But this poem almost made me cry.

    So this is a gorgeous write and I can tell its from the heart. Which matters.

    And when I got to the ending I felt a sense of ease because it felt like a sense of hope.
    Because of this part here:

    his name scrawled as big as an angel
    as beautiful as jesus;

    an eleven year old
    holding a new world
    -------------
    This is incredably gorgeous write.
    This is awesome.

    Good Greif, Good job here.

    I would have more to say but that would take a while to type


  • notorious
    September 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Holy...

    This is so sincerely, insanely, wicked-crazy good that well...it's good.

    And sad.

    You're so talented that you are making my emoticons go all bipolar.

    'merciless'<--what a sad adjective...the saddest one there is? You have used it so well...

    "dead-head"<--I love the phrase, the way it rhymes, the way it's pronounced, the hyphen. NICE.

    "another grows" seems like both an observation & maybe like a subtle way of saying how replacements occur even if you don't want them [or something I don't know how to form in English...] Suffice to say, I loved the striking poignancy, kind of like a bazooka gun in a video game, but less comical and less/more bloody.

    "awaiting permanence"
    I have this thing where I want to kick gerunds into my worst enemy, but I LOVE the way you used 'awaiting' and how it's paired with 'permanence'. god, you do personal writes [only personal writes???] so, so well.

    Interesting that you use 'know', as opposed to 'knew'. I like the present tense change there.

    "eleven year old"<--hyphens???==>eleven-year-old

    Absolutely amazing.
    This little piece=a jewel

    Jessica!




  • sheltered
    September 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations for ripping my heart out
    and for the trophy.

  • Rowan gold member
    September 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations hon.


  • poet2angels gold member
    September 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is amazing....I love this and was touched my every word...Great use of metaphor and emotion...
    Bravo!
    TY for entering!

    Lynda


  • Patpowers silver member
    September 17, 2008

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    Wonderfully written work of poetry Cat. I liked the prompt that matched this. THANKS!!


  • ten thousand cicadas gold member
    September 16, 2008

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    Incredible movement of time and emotion in these lines. Both pain and beauty. A sense of understanding beneath that helps to make the difficult more bearable.

    Exceptionally done.


  • Janice M Pickett
    September 14, 2008

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    very tender

    This gave me a shiver. Very nice. Very real and wonderfully written.


  • Cupcrazy gold member
    September 8, 2008

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    Being an emotional junkie, this just reduced me to tears, times when being so intuitive hurts way too much. The sense of loss is so deep rooted in each word, even memory can never erase the pain and offers little consolation. I especially enjoyed the brevity of this write, for so few words can oft speak volumes. A glorious piece, and a wonderful take on the prompt. Hugs, Bunny


  • Roaddog Wolf
    September 5, 2008

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    I felt a

    sudden deep sorrow and my eyes welled after reading this poem, very powerful write and written very strongly from within.


  • Everwind Rising
    August 28, 2008
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    Sparse verbiage, maximum impact. Great writing.


  • zochit2me gold member
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It's nice to go back and find a piece of us at times from long ago...

    As usual this is stellar poetry M

    ♥Becky♥

  • anatomy
    August 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I had a lump in my throat reading this. Fuck death yes?


  • secberm
    August 14, 2008

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    This is beautiful, sis.

    "...his long body stretched frozen
    awaiting permanence..."

    And painful. Thanx for sharing. Write on.

    Dez


  • porksnorkel
    August 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    mary & Ronnie sitting in a tree


    • Cat gold member
      August 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      ronnie was a hot 10 year old.


  • porksnorkel
    August 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    haahahhaa

    "fuck you virgin"

  • porksnorkel
    August 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    the new tree's leaves curl into arthritic fingers

    this, of course, suggests both youth and age, young though very close to death.

    It still hurts when I see a photo, or something else real and stamped with time, like the wall scrawl above. I try to avoid such things. I have found a place in the abstract world of ideas where I am okay with death and loss, but up close I still can't deal all that well.

  • Michael P gold member
    August 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful!


  • BrokenSanity
    August 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow, this is very sad. well written here, leep it up, poet.

  • PeterWRobinson
    August 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Stunning - thank you so much. Perhaps each departure induces a new being. If only we knew how to honour respect value the process - make room allow welcome nurture. This work behoves a deeper consideration of the death, life cycle and I embrace it willingly.
    Pete


  • Heart Sutra
    August 9, 2008
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    this is just deep mary...
    as deep as ever.


  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    August 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    just beautiful....

    I love the allusion to snipping buds, flowers, quick and clean, it leaves me thinking of how I am when painful things come to mind.. how I try to shut the memories off and fail as they grow again like flowers, bloom whether I want them to or not..

    the line breaks in this, the pauses .. each word is like a snippet of pain.. delicately placed.

    and each image is so strong I can feel the loss without closing my eyes.. and yet at the same time there is a beauty in it for me, in those last lines.. that lasting bit of eternity ..that seems like a tether between somewhere .... intangible and now..

    just....beautiful... sad....but beautiful..


  • katfair
    August 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    stellar one mary

    your poems of loss tug at my core

    unfold like wings in the soul

    this is straight to the heart of the matter

    what matters

    here and then gone

    love kat


  • Sick Sunshine
    August 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    your poetry is flawless...

    "snip a bud


    another grows"


    sounds like my mothers poetry...
    and she's a hell of a writer.

    kudos.


  • KittenJubilee
    August 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    so beautiful ... i really wish i could apply a better vocabulary, some critique, something more interesting. i dunno. you just seriously take my breath away, every single time. i always hesitate to comment because i know it'll be the same "it's beautiful, it's wonderful" garbage i've said time and again, but please believe that i sincerely mean every word every single time. you truly have an astonishing talent, miss mary.

    now, if you'll excuse me. i'm going to go hunt for a thesaurus. take care


  • Peteskid gold member
    August 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    life and death seems to have no simple opening or closing, alive before we are born, might still live on in memory and unrevealed moments long after we have died; and then we might be lucky enough to be loved...so remarkable...PK

    • Cat gold member
      August 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      yes.. somewhere in the middle..

      dont you love that i found our names still under the bridge?... god.. i love it


      • Peteskid gold member
        August 7, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Yes...mine was under and old maple wood table, carved initials in the best furniture in the house...PK


  • sheltered
    August 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    My god this is heart wrenching.
    To wait and suffer for life long
    or sooner see
    this "other side" they say?


    • Cat gold member
      August 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      some losses hurt more than others.. that is for sure..


  • AJ Morelli gold member
    August 7, 2008

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    i think the opening section is superb and sets up all that follows it, a tight and perfect metaphor...

    of course the rest is heart breaking and heart wrenching, the third section again reinforces the central theme with strong solid imagery

    the final section is incredibly poignant

    wonderful work, a wonderful series of works actually


    al


    • Cat gold member
      August 7, 2008
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      your comments always mean so much- thank you

  • Suzanne Dia
    August 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    sometimes there is nothing to say but ..


  • Cherokee
    August 6, 2008
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    This is beautiful. Nothing more to say.


  • Jaden silver member
    August 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    unorthodox, but I like it . . .


  • Night Hope gold member
    August 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    "i had no such wait


    -


    the new tree's leaves
    curl into arthritic fingers

    each a small warning
    before the long death"

    Ohhh, dear girl, these lines slipped slowly & silently beneath this skin & pierced my heart with their profound, unbearably compassionate barbs of knowledge ~ those that could only be borne of experiences too deep in sorrow's tides to ever explain. I truly FELT this one, my Friend. One of your finest, Mary...& God knows that's sayin' a LOT.


    • Cat gold member
      August 6, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      i know you know
      that immediate long death...

      when it strikes.. you become part of a club...


      • Night Hope gold member
        August 6, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Yes, the membership none of us ever want. Beautiful, Sweetie.


  • Jersene gold member
    August 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    and he is still alive in your words...Your imagery is beautiful,and enhances that sense of mourning a memory. Thanks for sharing


  • Balldinger silver member
    August 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    a navigation of frost can eclipse a wind. cold, brilliant and worthy of a home-stoked fire.


  • girl shaman
    August 6, 2008

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    one quick quesiton; "i dead-head balloon flower"
    what exactly did you mean by that sentence?? i love it! but i dont get it lol anyway as usual you are very life altering with your words and i can tell this is a personal piece of beauty so in that sense you have made it even more eternal. thank you so much for sharing this

    ♥

    • Cat gold member
      August 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      dead heading flowers is what you do when a bloom dies- the idea is that the dying bloom steals the energy from the plant as the plant has to help it die and seed.. if you dead head it ..and pop it off- the plant has to keep blooming to create seeds.


      hence: dead head-

      your comments are wonderful- thank you

  • soy-desaparecido
    August 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Poignant, raw pain that cuts deep is hard to express but with only a few words you've taken me back to a time in my life when I found my baby son dead in his bed.

    I'm going to assume this is a personal write Cat and if I'm right then my compassion goes out to you. I wish I had more words to give than these small few.

    good luck in the contest


    • Cat gold member
      August 6, 2008
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      your words are many no matter their numbers..

      m

  • Rowan gold member
    August 6, 2008

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    That must hurt like hell. I loved this Mary, you write about loss so well, painful, yet with a sense of deep poignancy that one can only know through actual loss.
    Brilliant.


  • iverbthenoun
    August 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ...


  • Crowheart
    August 6, 2008
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    its great=thanks for the opportunity to read this


  • Nicolette gold member
    August 6, 2008

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    This is beautiful, Mary... as are all your Glen poems. I remember he and I share a date...jan, 10th... yes, a little piece, a whole life here...

    ~ Nicolette


  • Dienush
    August 6, 2008
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    Aww this is nice and gentle... but the meanings has a lot of impact.


  • Cannonsfire
    August 6, 2008

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    I read this and find I am babbling like a running stream and the water flowing down my cheeks...can't imagine what it was like for you writing this C


  • apples fell
    August 6, 2008
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    "with the frost was"
    - The "was" is strange. Perhaps it was a mistake.
    The last bit of this poem hits so terribly close for me. I just can't help but relate on that human level, like a child who is grasping always for a new day. I loved the way the poem opened, but I do think the use of "as" towards the end was a little much, word wise. Everything else is quite illustrated. There has been a sadness you have been working with lately in your writes and because of my sensitivity to most of the world at all moments, I generally connect to this feeling, this nature of all things small and large.

    A fine piece Mary.

    ;


    • Cat gold member
      August 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      i just caught the as comment- i actually love that best..
      but thank you for thinking anyhow..

      • apples fell
        August 6, 2008
        Edit | Reply

        Then that is how it should stay.
        I always tell myself when I am feeling
        unsure about someone else's impression
        on my work, that our opinions are the
        most important and if we can look at
        it and be happy, then it is done.

        • Cat gold member
          August 6, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          i am not really unsure..LOL..
          god, i'm awful.. i'm sorry.. i just think that bit sounds the best of the entire poem.. read aloud it reads best- and the intensity it offers to the climax works really well for me..

          • apples fell
            August 6, 2008
            Edit | Reply

            No you think out loud and there is certainly nothing wrong with that. I meant that I am unsure sometimes when people comment on my stuff and I don't see the problem, is what I was trying to say.. But yes that part does read vocally sound so I think in that aspect, you have nailed it. Is this all meant to be read out loud? Some poems demand to be read internally, like there are times here where I think you must read it to yourself to further lift the message. I'm sorry, now I'm rambling on your work and messing up the place, but I just enjoy chatting with you about the whatevers.

            ;

            • Cat gold member
              August 6, 2008
              Edit | Reply
              i have a method..

              i read inside my own head over and over- that's how i fine tune...and then.. when that is done..and i think i'm almost there

              i read aloud (if no one is around) and i find 15 more places that need tuning..

              and then the next day.. 15 more

              etc,etc.. i love the sounds a well tuned poem makes off the tongue..i love the sounds of s's lined up as they are there..

              i will sometimes use
              even more as's in a row just to achieve that.. ..hmmm.. trying to think of a poem that i have done that on.. ..

              hold on.. i think i know.. i'll send

              • apples fell
                August 6, 2008
                Edit | Reply

                I do something similar, but I read it out loud even if people are around...LOL. Kenny always laughs at me because I'll sit here sounding things out and shit...I wouldn't be able to hear certain things without doing it though. My inner ear is most times more in-tuned than my eyes. You seem to have a way of doing it and I would love to read something...Send it my way.


    • Cat gold member
      August 6, 2008
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      i'm a bit heartbroken right now
      it happens when i write these things..

      • apples fell
        August 6, 2008

        Edit | Reply

        That's the way I feel when I finish writing
        most of my poems (not just ones about death),
        as I always feel like I am cutting a part of
        myself away when I get so personal and I can
        not get that piece back. It is forever gone.
        I think sometimes as poets we just pour out
        so many emotions at once that we are left
        with an empty feeling, like the soul has
        collapsed.

        ;


    • Cat gold member
      August 6, 2008
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      oh, thanks..it was a typo- al caught it right away too


  • sailor ptolema
    August 6, 2008

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    Another terribly sad & beautiful write. I started to tear up, and nothing I've read so far on here has made me do that.
    You are a lovely, lovely person who writes soul.

    ~Meg



    • Cat gold member
      August 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      you should see me while i write it..
      ridiculous ..

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