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Terror on the Night Train 281

Missing image

From thirty people till there was only one.   
When the last man boarded the terror began.
The first two victims, were hanging each on a ceiling fan.
Each of them were missing their right hand.
~~~~~~
Fright filled the air as the night train keep on.
They found four more dead and there hearts were all gone.
Panic overcame the dinner coach, as they all crowed in the door.
Scared like animals and now there were twenty-four.
~~~~~~
They all looked bewildered and couldn’t trust any one.
Then the lights when out as they heard six shots of a gun.
Three ladies and three men were dead on the floor.
They were all missing their tongues as the blood just poured.
~~~~~~
Now there were only eighteen and it was so very late.
Everyone tired and they tried to stay awake.
Someone screamed as two men laid with their throats slashed.
Missing there eyes and their head smashed.
~~~~~~
Sixteen left as the crying and screaming from the gore.
The train buckled and jolted as a man fell to the floor.
With he’s foot he hit the handle of the train door.
Two of the ladies fell to there death out the door.


~~~~~~
Fourteen passengers left, a man was so frantic he pulled out a knife.
Attacking them all and killing five.
They were all sure that he was the one that did the crimes.
The Coach Master cuffed him from behind.
~~~~~~
And know there were only nine passengers as they wept.
So relieved the murders were resolved they went and slept.
If they only knew what they all had in store.
That eight of the nine would never wake-up no more.
~~~~~~
A fire broke out and they all got trapped in bed.
The smoke over powered them and the eight are dead.
The Coach Master sat as he had a cup of tea.
Waiting for the train to stop to board you and me.
~~~~~~

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Ice Queen
    May 4

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    Wow! This was a scary piece but its details were amazing. Very good and I loved it. Keep up the good work. Your poem gave me goosebumps after I read it, well penned. Again good job!


  • Heroesrox
    February 15

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    WOWIE! I loved this! Was it based on facts? Did this really happen? Was the Coach Master the murderer? An awesome write! Thanks so much for the share and congrats on the gold!


  • lonely-emo
    December 15, 2008

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    i thought it was really detailed and actually quite scary. i dont think i want to go on a night train anymore. the story line was fascinating especially the way they died and it leaves a door open for a sequel.the way they did is actually quite unimaginable. i thought the last bit how they died could have been a bit more gruesome but other than that it was brilliant


  • filledwithstardust
    December 11, 2008

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    WOW. This was so much fun to read!! I love horror and gore, and a good murder mystery. I am so in love with this poem that want to molest it!! OK that was a little frightening wasn't it? LOL. OK thanks for the read!

    Love and Peace,
    Charlene


  • skilter
    August 15, 2008

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    this is simply fantastic, i couldnt help but smile, this should be the next rob zombie movie! awesome write!


    • esroddo silver member
      August 16, 2008
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      Wow thank you so much for the GOLD

      I am honored, I am glad it keep you smiling and interested, thanks again for great contest. LISA

  • hose30
    August 6, 2008

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    Wow. I was totally engulfed. This was really good. I am fan of stroytelling. I thik you covered all area really well. I look for the plot and body and the ending to be in one accord. that was good. I look for the plot be carried out.and fact that you can leave room for another story if possible.But I think it was strong and it kept me wanting to read more. I would love to read it in a book. you should write a book.But it was good and great idea. see you Mom.

    • esroddo silver member
      August 16, 2008
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      Thanks sweety You are always so supportive

      I am glad you like my dark story, I think the rhyme was a little forced at first, but as I read it it keeped my attention so I said lets go for it, and if i wins I will feel better. And It did I won Gold and feel super. Have a wonderful weekend. Love you AP MOM LISA

1 - 8 of 8