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I Wish

I wish.

I wish I could feel a thousand miles
flow beneath my feet.
And the wind would laugh as it licked my face
and took the earth from below me.

I'd fly the sky forever
and you'd meet me at the sun.
We'd relive all our memories
and forget the ugly ones.

You'd wrap your arms around me
and tell me I had been dreaming.
I'd believe it was a nightmare
and that you'd never even left me.

I'd press my face against your heart
and it would still be beating.
We'd live longer than the stars
and in a thousand years we'd still be flying.

You'd tell me funny
stories and thaw my frozen heart.
You'd hold my hand forever and
we would never have to part.

I wish.

Please tell me what you think

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Comments


  • Symphony
    September 1, 2008
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    "And the wind would laugh as it licked my face"

    I got SO much enjoyment and descriptive pleasure out of that one line; it's like nothing I've ever read before, and yet rang out in just utter glee - a feeling which can be hard to get across in poetry. Bravo to you; this line will stay with me for some time!


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    August 16, 2008

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    Ah..you wished here scripted here the story of love and the story of life..and that makes the difference in the wishes..we all are wishing many things but the wishes ..where they go and how one wish is fulfilled.that matters..you have touched the depth of the definations of love and the definations of life through the touches of love..you are very touching here in all its meaning ..I love this wonderful piece..and my thanks for sharing it with the readrs..well done my friend..


  • natabookworm
    August 6, 2008

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    You've got a really nice lyrical, flowing feeling to this - even though the lines are divided somewhat counter-intuitively, it never feels choppy. I really like some of the wording and imagery - my only criticism would be that some couplets/sentence pairings rhyme more than others, and some not at all, which could be an intentional choice and doesn't detract all THAT much from the overall impact of the piece, but could have had more consistency. I'm undecided on the final line - it works, but I feel like the impact could be bigger if you'd done it somehow differently... however I'm afraid no alternate suggestions come to mind. Overall, great job!