I break through the brush
Half blinded by my tears
Fighting to escape
In my flight I crash into a tree
Stumbling and
Falling
Until finally stop, still crying
Still hurt
Just now there are more wounds to heal
I fall and lay on my back
Finally taking in my surroundings
I begin to question if I'm dead
With the dazzling light breaking through the trees
It appears I stumbled into my heaven
My sancutary
But I'm alive
For I still hurt
But the pain is lessening in this gorgeous place
As if the atmospere heals me
And saves me
For once luck shined on me
Just like the liquid gold I see
For I stumbled into my sanctuary
A contest entry
- Picture inspiration by crazymomma.
400 points, ended November 5, 2008, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I know it isn't good just give me pointers on what to fix. It was the best I could do with writers block.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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For once luck shined on me
Just like the liquid gold I see
For I stumbled into my sanctuary
The rhyming in this was fantastic great write!! -
Stumbled upon your poem...The title grabbed me, (seriously) and I am not disppointed I have read it..You show alot of promise...do keep up your writing.Like Kaz said, a few brush ups on spell check...but great work here with the imagery and flow!
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Just like the liquid gold I see
For I stumbled into my sanctuary
I loved this line
(typo ~ My sancutary)
best of luck in the contest
SJ -
Very Nice
When you find a place that you feel peace it is your sanctuary. This was very nice to read and though you speek of pain, it was peaceful in the end, The Shaker
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Beautiful picture and you have so much emotion "spilled" in this poem! I understand feeling stuck while writing... happens all the time!
I wouldn't fix anything now... let it linger and later you will write something about this poem
All the best!!!
Becks
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i love the take you took also and i love how you portray a story
good luck -
Brilliant take on the photo!
Brilliant take on the photo! Well penned, some typos (dazzeling should be dazzling) (sacutary should be sanctuary) but other than those (and I make them too grrr!) I love the way you build a storyline into this wonderful work and you manage to create a lovely ambiance too, that is clever stuff, bravo, well done love it!
Poetic Hugs,
Kaz.
Kazytc xx
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Hmmmm....
Not sure what to fix. My advice is to sleep on it, and it will come to you. It does seem unfinished in the middle, somehow - but I can't put my finger on it. Still, a lovely write and wonderful subject. Yes, pain and suffering make us appreciate life and our lives all the more, especially in a place of sanctuary and healing.
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Good luck in contest!
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I think you did a great job.
My favorite lines are "For once luck shined on me
Just like the liquid gold I see
For I stumbled into my sanctuary"
Great imagery.
-Mandi
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