sliver moon twilight
everything in silhouette
except the lilies
we linger in the garden
listening to mourning doves
Author notes
traditional
A contest entry
- Tanka Time by azure85.
600 points, ended August 7, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I like the use of the pivot here, in the sense that the last two lines refers to the author and someone else standing by the lilies (we) and the lilies themselves (we). Nice work.
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A beautiful snapshot of nature...like the L3 very much.It has made the whole scene more vivid.Nice work!
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This is a very beautiful tanka, the scene of the garden and the ones in the garden, a lovely scene. Thank you so much.
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Wow
This is absolutely beautiful. You've perfectly captured this moment, given it as more than just an image, but as a deep feeling, although the imagery is also amazing.
A wonderful tanka! Best of luck in the contest!
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Absolutely spot on and so beautiful... a small gem that sparkles in the moonlight... Excellent.
Ken
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I thought this would be a haiku 'cause of the title's brackets, but apparently it's a tanka--I'm so bad at form poetry (mostly because I don't care for it
), but if I hadn't know this was form poetry...well, I'd still like it like I do now.
First of all...that title/first line is GORGEOUS and you should use it in a haiku...or any poem, really.
"everything in silhouette/except the lilies"
It's such a simple, flowing statement. To be honest, it makes me think of Sailor Ptolema, & that's always cool...though of course, you have an awesome style of your own.
Okay, that last line is making me wonder whether I should be sad or not...it's ambiguous, it's well-written, it's eloquent, imagery-infused & AWESOME.
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Oh, this is lovely! I saw the lilies glowing through the twilight, like beacons in the black silhouettes. Mourning doves evokes such sadness, so apt for the ending of a day. Well done, good luck in the contest.
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