Do I dare reveal to you
my thoughts
or shall I swallow
naked stars in velvet night.
Will you ponder the sky,
wish upon the light of my love,
and see the pattern of my
true constellation?
Do not brand me a heretic,
do not spurn me, as Galileo was,
for pointing out the sun.
Author notes
Option #1: Naked Stars
A contest entry
- The Prompt Coffee House: Prompt Challenge Round 2: Title Prompts by Ceridwens Soul.
1050 points, ended August 19, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
All comments are appreciated!
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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You have such a beauty about the way ypu spin your wids like perfect silk!!!
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This piece is immensely enjoyable I particularly like the reference to Galileo and the mayhem he caused with science.
'Do not brand me a heretic,
do not spurn me, as Galileo was,
for pointing out the sun.'
no surprise I have chosen this part of your write as my favourite, its just so well done
Jem and Ju
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My imagination was really captured by this particular prompt so I was drawn to your poem to see your interpretation and I was very pleased that I ventured to this page. I really liked the third stanza; It gave extra meaning to star gazing and really captured the thoughts in the piece. I really related to this, the uneasiness of not knowing whether to show your real emotions. Really Nice Work x
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Look at you writing from prompts is the most difficult thing for most. Not you. I bet you made straight As in school! This is lovely.
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Wow. I think this piece is fantastic. It really does speak to me in a language I understand. As you know, I use a lot of sky imagery, and I think this is a great example. I honestly don't think that I have anything at all to suggest to improve it. I also have some difficulty picking favorite lines, because they are all so excellently crafted.
If I were forced at gunpoint to pick something to improve, it might be the line:
"do not spurn me, as Galileo was,"
Of all the lines this one is the one that comes closest in my mind to awkwardness... but it's a bit like trying to pick the least perfect cherry blossom.
It may be the formality of the non-contracted 'do not', or perhaps the ordering, maybe 'spurn me not' as opposed to 'do not spurn me'... but really, I'm splitting hairs.
really great piece. Truly fantastic.
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Concise and yet pensive, a brief telling of one's love for another that is not reciprocated, well done.
All the best,
mj.
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i would love to see this piece expanded... but it is a great write as is also... keep sharing with us!!!
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Thank you for your entry, good luck!
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