Rich mahogany like the hair in your eyes,
The bow I now grasp fits like your hand in mine.
I blow off the dust that flakes on the bridge,
It’s more than a memory of you that I want.
Against my shoulder where you once leaned
Is now your viola to conquer the pain.
My fingers on strings last pressed long ago
Are brought back to life to bring back your own.
Bow to the strings, they echo your laughter,
The joy in your voice from your shining smile.
The sun looms above me and reflects on the wood
To haunt me with your beloved meaningful grin.
Your viola's still tuned like my memories of you
As Pachelbel Cannon spills from the pit of my heart
And runs through my fingers to flow through the strings.
I play a D major, your favorite- because it has two sharps,
You said “one for me and one for you is just right for us”
But now I’ve lost you and I’m left with those sharps
So I take your viola and I play on my own.
A contest entry
- GET YOUR POEMS OUT THERE by Ken-Maverick.
450 points, ended August 17, 2008, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All ages allowed:Memories,write about your strongest memories. by pop123.
525 points, ended September 2, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me ur best!! by ProudMomma.
526 points, ended October 17, 2008, 50 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Anything Specific I Can Improve On?
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Awwwww
Thisz was sO sad
but at the same time such a gOod pOem
I |Ove it
gOod wOrk
=]
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Very beautiful but sad she is gone. Music is always a reminder.
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Wonderful poem. Very well penned
I loved the part that said
"play a D major, your favorite- because it has two sharps,
You said “one for me and one for you is just right for us”"
This was good
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This was beautiful I really love it!! Great write! WOW
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Luv it, so beautifully written. Did u just write this, or is it about a life experience?
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meaning stanzas ofcourse ;p
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amazing write..
paragraphs though
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I love this...your did a beautiful job with the depth and maneing...the emotions are strong and the ending perfect...it flows so well...
nicely done...
Best,
mystic
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Wow! i love this!
i personally am a violin player, but my two best friends play viola, and we often play our instruments together, so i know all about violas.
this poem really is beyond words. i could write a poem on this poem (does that make sense?!)
this really is a sweet and sour poem!
you toootally have me hooked!
keep up the great work! -
I'm sorry but I told you this is by a kid.And though I can see that you wrote well,I just dont get it that well.Besides I had a very tough time choosing the winners,and I did look at your again.
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I really like this piece; its surprisingly powerful.
Overflowing with emotion and a great initial idea with the viola.
You're asking for ways to improve it, but there isnt a great deal of criticism available. However I think the last four lines could use a little polishing. I would try to refrain from ending two lines with the same word. Their content is still great though!
Great poem, really unique and strong, keep it up!
Michael
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This is a strange poem.Once again I've had an entry I do not understand.No criticism but this is a contest for kids and I'm a 12 yr old myself and I just dont get this poem.
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This is a wonderful poem pouring with emotions woven in imagery...A sad write nevertheless...tugging heart...
All the best in the contest!
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Ive never read a poem that has had an instrument in the poem, and if i ever read other poem with an instrument in it, i shall compare it to this
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Beautiful! Great pictures of the viola being a reminder...I especially love this one
"Bow to the strings, they echo your laughter"
"...because it has two sharps/you said 'one for me and one for you is just right for us'" <--Wonderful!!
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