Leave a bittersweet kiss
on the stained butterfly
bruises of
my thighs, linger
as if to say "I'm
sorry," once again. Your
monster, (or was it really
you?), has vanished in
the wake of my cries, but
have they penetrated your stone
soul?
Leave the blood stained
sheets behind, I'll clean
up your mess. Tidy
the rooms that have been sinned
and dirtied, where phantom screams
echo continuosly. No
tears tonight; my body
wouldn't handle it. I'll lay
here, broken by your hand; suffocating
in your love. After
all, you told me
we're meant to be
together.
I love you.
Author notes
This was about a relationship I had a long time ago. I won't go into details, a lot of it is too unreal and still painful to discuss.
A contest entry
- A Darker Poetry Contest III by -BlackKnight-.
525 points, ended August 11, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
I agree, I didn't really thing the "I love you" at the end was needed. Maybe something a long the lines of "I need you" (or something along the lines of that) and a small stanza (of three or four short lines) that lightly describes the need.
I also think the flow is uneven and kind of jagged.
The emotion in this piece was really haunting and moving. It was gripping in a fierce way. I felt your hurt and suffocation as I read this piece. It was agonizing. It was kind of like a fist was closing the air way to my lungs and I couldn't breathe. It was scary and eerie.
<333
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I don't think the "I love you." at the end was necessary.
This actually wasn't too bad. Though the poem could use some fine-tuning (I prefer poems be left-aligned, but I suppose that's just a personal preference; also, you might want to consider breaking this up into two or three different stanzas, so it doesn't look like this big bulk of words), I can appreciate the emotion here. -
A very heartfelt poem.
Your talent always shines through in your poetry. Great imagery. I could feel your emotions throughout these words. So glad you are out of that relationship. Take care. Hugs and Smiles.
God Bless You,
Sandy
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