Lips shovel flakes of words
mulling them into construction
like infants chanting “ABC”,
all monotone impeachments,
while emotional content
dissects and follows tangents
along ambit’s transgressions.
Syllables hung up in stirrups,
head-banging against anvils,
hoping to be shaped into
something worthy of a sentence
before stress fractures structure
and mute becomes normality.
Hair-trigger tongue snaps tresses;
each curled vocabulary
placing knots in responses throat,
choking alibis coughing up retorts
still warm in digestion,
only partially created,
a premature birth aborting completion,
but what else can be done
with a full mouth force fed.
Author notes
Fug-azi - Amaranthine Lover
A contest entry
- Abstract Topics, Inspire Me by Salt Therapy.
300 points, ended August 12, 2008, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best All-Around Prewrites From 2008 by amaranthine lover.
1400 points, ended January 9, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Teach me Abstract poetry by rinzurajan.
400 points, ended November 15, 62 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critique Requested
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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i loved ur careful choice of words...added a lot of strength to the imagery...!!!
good luck
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Love it friend!
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Congrats on the brone and good luck in the other contest.I can see that you spent alot of time and effort on this to get it just right and you did.
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You have a special skill with your words so carefully penned. You indeed have a rare talent. Thank you for sharing.
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5/5
greaT!
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nice
and worthy of a bronze!
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sigh~
Your vocabulary, your talent and your ability to give me the shivers never falters ...
Another amazing piece, Bro...
Lynda
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I have to agree with abstract and metaphorical on this write it was a sensory overload, you have a wonderful grasp of the english language here, well done. Best to you
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Abstract.
Hair-trigger tongue snaps tresses;
each curled vocabulary
placing knots in responses throat,
choking alibis coughing up retorts
still warm in digestion,
only partially created,
a premature birth aborting completion,
Woah! Just so abstract and neat. Great job and good luck!
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Oh.. very vivid in imagery and yet the flow was nice and smooth as well.. Thers so many steps here in this write.. It's complex yet not.. I'm really amazed by this actually.. I really enjoyed it!! thank you very much for sharing!! best of luck in the contest!!
Angel
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Very groovy.
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Highly visual
What a novel explanation of thought translated into word. I could see the mechanics of it all in my mind as I read your poem.
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"Syllables hung up in stirrups,
head-banging against anvils,
hoping to be shaped into
something worthy of a sentence
before stress fractures structure
and mute becomes normality."
This verse neatly encapsulates the way i feel sometimes when i am required to "perform" in unfamiliar social settings..
a strong closing line..i like it
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This poem is very thought provoking, I really like the word usage and imagery. You spilled some dark thoughts within, woven in vivid colour and taste.Splendidly done indeed.
Best of wishes to you.
Tony
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That's an incredible piece of writing!
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Goodness! This is very abstract, and very descriptive. 2 things that not always go very well together. It is hard not to describe everything in the poem, as it will not seem very abstract. It will leave no mystery. You still left mystery, with a great vocabulary too.
"Hair-trigger tongue snaps tresses;
each curled vocabulary "
That is quite amazing. I highly like the thought of writing about black diamonds, or compressed silica.
Good luck in my contest, poet. ~ Kerri
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Woohoo!
Very cool and unique piece you've written here!
before stress fractures structure
and mute becomes normality.
So much imagery wrapped up in these lines. Great job and best of luck to you in my contest!
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wow masterfully woven..but of course..from you I would expect nothing less...you say nothing at all so eloquently..your beginning of speech you have described..amazing..
but what else can be done
with a full mouth force fed.
and your ending..is perfect..
thanx so much for sharing..blessings...and best of luck in the contest..namaste..
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