ivory tusks lock in silent despair
groans of anguish convey their thought
elephants fight to control their lair
only the strong survive primitive fare
a knowing eye surveys the death lot
ivory tusks lock in silent despair
long grasses blow desperate care
blood stains dry where they fought
elephants fight to control their lair
mountains lie and ignore the pair
tiny beings cannot compete as they ought
ivory tusks lock in silent despair
cries of duels are without share
life regenerates in this valley sought
elephants fight to control their lair
strain to kill with a powerful flair
seek the death of only one distraught
ivory tusks lock in silent despair
elephants fight to control their lair
Author notes
prompt: villanelle
lair: the habitation of wild animals (added)
A contest entry
- CONTEST: WRITE A VILLANELLE OR PANTOUM by echo-ink.
1600 points, ended August 18, 2008, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PIF Villanelles only by ecrivain01.
650 points, ended August 19, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Villanelle with Meaning by Peteskid.
2250 points, ended September 3, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
Very colorful and dramatic imagery, and some line lend themselves well to definition of meanings, poetic and creative meanings. Well done. Thank you for this fine entry into the contest and best of luck in the judging...PK
-
this is a beautiful piece, you just need a really awesome title!
-
excellent
Wonderful creation and use of form. So very well done. Best of luck in the contest
-
I read this before when the rhyme scheme was all wrong so I can admire the way you have put it right which I imagine was no easy task. Well done and good luck in the contest. Val
-
YAY! perfect, I love the theme you choose, quite uniqe and out of the ordinary.
I love it, thank you so much, I know you kept editing untill it was just perfect. thanks for entering and good luck in the contest. YESSA! PL
-
-
many thanks . .
-
-
This is a good job ...
in the main. The only real problem with it is that elephants don't have lairs. A lair is a "home", like a cave, and is a synonym for "den", but elephants spend their entire lives living in the open. -
-
thanks
the "lair" is the valley and control of the herd . . a fight for control . . I just wanted the reader to feel a part of the picture . .
-
-
interesting thoughts
I like this poem!
good luck in the contest
-
The poem had wonderful thoughts and images,
but the rhyme scheme is aba aba aba aba aba abaa, which means ALL the a's are suppose to rhyme, as are all the b's, no matter which stanza their in, ok, there is plenty of time to edit, and thank you for entering. I really, really hope you do, as this is a fantastic subject. PL
-
-
thanks
didn't know there was a rhyme scheme as well . . repaired it for your consideration . . hope this is okay . .
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
