Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

heuristic and the rubix cube








temple to toes
you contain a cloud vessel
and lighten its weight
with the shimmer
of thought.

i have a screen
and ten seconds to outcolor
the neon bulbs
before the surgeon comes in
to tell the world
it’s too late
to operate on an abstract concept.

but we don’t need a glass slipper
when you candle possibility
beneath gas lamps, chandeliers,
and sunlight.

you can do it the right way.
in the plural and with a solid margin
for error.

until eureka fits the feet.








Author notes

Aug. 5, 2008

Just randomly wrote this for Polly.
Well, the poem itself isn't really random.
Though I barely know her, in fact.
From all the conversations we've had she's a very intelligent, passionate person, and she's often taken time to explain me stuff.
And soooo... I hope you like this, Polly

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 26 of 26

  • Rowan Oak
    September 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    What a lovely and intriguing poem!

  • forgotten-soul13
    September 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    i love it... very creative.. nice imagery..


  • Age of Rain
    August 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh cool. 'temple to toes' is a very unique image.
    'cloud vessel' NIIICE
    and your ending. ZOMD!

    You have such an interesting style and I LOVE it. You are so good!

  • ea silver member
    August 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a really intelligent and provocative piece. I shared this with my husband, too, and he was also somewhat astounded by concepts like "it’s too late
    to operate on an abstract concept" and "with a solid margin for error." Keep up the excellent work.

  • RIP-sanity
    August 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    when you candle possibility
    beneath gas lamps, chandeliers,
    and sunlight"

    Love this image. It's very beautiful. Like this in general, really enjoy your style, it provokes thought.

    Wasn't entirely sure about "shimmer/ of thought" but that's just me, shimmer and I have a dislike for each other.


  • Poetryintheblood gold member
    August 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your beautiful dedication, good luck in my contest, Josie

  • vertigo beat
    August 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    you write well. when i think of you, i think of namita. i miss nami.


  • lively banter
    August 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i'm liking this


  • Sprite silver member
    August 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I truly love the whimsy in this poem. The tone is terrific. Phrases I think exceptional: "operate on an abstract concept," "candle possibility beneath gas lamps," "until eureka fits the feet." I especially like the two sided meanings of words and phrases here.

    Your poetry is so very easy to read and digest. That is a true talent.

    ~ Joyce


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    August 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    you know the more and more i read you work the more and more i can't think of what to say, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest


  • Polaja Greeters member
    August 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is amazing! Thank you so much for this wonderful dedication I love it! I'm blushing at all the lovely things that you say about me - I am just completely astounded and honoured! The poem itself is simply beautiful - and I love the way that you can slide in your knowledge with such ease it comes together perfectly and adds so much depth to your poetry

    Keep writing!

    Polly

    • Dienush
      August 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Yay, I'm so glad that you got to read it, and that you liked it. I was afraid you wouldn't like it But anyway, I mean what I said in there And thank you for the comment, too

      ~Diana


  • sailor ptolema
    August 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ohhhhhh I like this . I need to read more of your stuff, I've fallen sorely behind

    ~sailor ptolema

    • Dienush
      August 5, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      lol I was just commenting something of yours

      well should you want to read my poetry, you know where most of it is but don't feel like you have to.

      thanks for your comment and applause - I'm glad you liked this

      • sailor ptolema
        August 5, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Of course I don't feel like i have to!!! I want to. I've just been so busy with summer classes, finals, and work that I've fallen terribly behind in reading people's poetry!

  • Suzanne Dia
    August 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply


    I'm a bit tired today, so this may be one of my lamer comments..

    but I love your use of fairytale language here without creating a cliche that made me groan, really nice use of language.



    • Dienush
      August 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      yay, you got that 'cause that's really what I was trying to do with the glass slipper and fitting. Thanks for your comment Always nice to hear your opinion.


  • Nicolette gold member
    August 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "but we don’t need a glass slipper
    when you candle possibility"

    This is wonderful poetry, Diana and I simply love the way you play with words and then make them work for you. I think at the end of the day you're one poet who can say 'eureka'!

    ~ Nicolette


  • amaranthine lover gold member
    August 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    An interesting indeed!


  • apples fell
    August 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    "but we don’t need a glass slipper
    when you candle possibility
    beneath gas lamps, chandeliers,
    and sunlight."
    - I loved how you have used the word "candle" here and in a way that brings the poem into a very different light. (no pun intended) Your second stanza is also well penned and I like the inclusion of the neon bulbs and the surgeon imagery. I'm thinking it's about a few different things, tied together, but I could be wrong. I liked all the oddness to the flow and form and actually think it benefited your expression. A lot of the lines seemed to flow as it was intended, with the theory of change and the impossibly unkown always there behind the curtain.

    Very different and wonderful writing Diana.

    ;


    • Dienush
      August 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much

      And who knows, maybe it is about more things. My puns in poetry are intended


      • apples fell
        August 5, 2008

        Edit | Reply

        LOL. Well I like that mysteriousness
        to your writing. And you my dear
        are very welcome.

1 - 26 of 26