Take away the pain from me
Shelter the world away from me
I'm not safe, keep back from me
You don't know what I'll do to me
My friends, they won't come close to me
For fear I will not act like me
They know that I am supposed to be me
But why are they so far away from me?
All I have to offer is me
They say "it isn't good enough for me"
The ignorance, the lies, is all they give me
And all this mounts up on top of me
You take away my friends from me
Lock away the world from me
I'm not safe, you say that to me
I don't know what you'll do to me
Author notes
Written on 4th February @ 12:03
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Thank you so much for your great comment! Not only the analysis of my poem, but the fact you came to my poem because of that stupid contest! I'm glad you felt the trip was worthwhile. Thank you so much for reading - I can tell that you would be a decent and fair judge if you were to run a contest. Bravo to you!
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great
Usually I would warn writers away from using epistrophe, the repetition of words at the end of a phrase throughout an entire poem. It usually ends up as being forced or boring. Yours remained fresh throughout the poem. Each repetition built on the extended metaphor you built about me. At times this created some very unique and interesting phrases such as
I'm not safe, keep back from me
You don't know what I'll do to me
It reminded me of a poem by an a poem by Myron an author I like who recently wrote about losing himself. To make you feel better I had two poems in two different contests that weren't read by the judge, one of them in this contest. I figured that the judge revealed his or her inability to be a good judge so I could care less that my poem wasn't read in this silly contest. I did enjoy reading the silver prize winning poem in this contest. I also enjoy the fact that you honestly chastised the contest judge for hypocrisy. I wouldn't of had the courage to do so not wanting to offend people but it was needed. Your comments made me come read your poem and I am glad that I did. In the end contests are only important in giving great poetry a chance to be read and I am glad i had a chance to read your work hopefully more people will get the chance. Thanks for sharing. -
This is one of my favorites by you. I find it enchanting, to say the least. Has anyone told you that you may be a "me me me" kind of person?
Always. -
Hmmm... Very interesting...
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This is an awsome poem, I just hope this isn't something your going through and if you are then I truely hope everything works out. Nicely flowing poem, good luck in the contest.
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jeez... thats awesome.... If u can sing or play an instrument plz do... with those lyrics... pssht.... any1 would buy ur album
-Brenna -
wow..i liked how you ended every line in "me"
overall, very good..your words make me feel your pain.
best wishes in the contest. -
A scary situation to be in...
Great work, powerful words.
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