Wave after wave crashes upon me
Unable to float, unable to breathe.
I sink beneath the storm
Unable to swim, unable to think.
Flapping my arms frantically
Unable to touch air, unable to rise.
I cannot see the light
This far below the surface.
My head is ready to explode
This far below the surface.
Momentarily I surrender.
And the water pushes me up
I'm beginning to see the light again.
And I help it along, kicking
Beginning to swim again.
I see the light close to the surface
The pressure on my head lessens.
I thrust my arm through
Expecting to grab air.
Instead I find your hand
Securely grasping mine.
A contest entry
- -♥-~*Beautiful*~-♥- by xwarriorXprincessx.
900 points, ended August 18, 2008, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites Only by wingsofgold25.
700 points, ended January 28, 2009, 71 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
Very good very emotional nice contrast between beginning and End,
Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest.
ED. -
I really like this. It kind of does what a lot of my poems do: seem really dark until the very end where things start looking up.
In the second stanza, the repetition of "this far below the surface" seems forced. You might want to reword or change one of them to make the poem flow.
Overall, I find this poem really intriguing. It could go very far with very little work. Well done. -
deliciously sweet.
wow.... it started scary. i was nearing panic attack. i am so glad that had a happy ending cause i don't know if i could have handled it otherwise. phew... that was a close one.
and what an amazing ending too! aw! so precious.
i like this because i went through a range of emotion. I started off being nervous and now i'm all like "awwwwwww saved by the mysterious hand." makes me wonder about this hand, but the mystery intrigues me.... it just leaves the mind to inquire. incredible.
lovely write dear. i really really enjoyed this.
best of luck and best wishes! -
Nice
I like this one, it really grasps the idea of that someone who helps us in the roughest of times. I think most of us have had situations in which we think we're just heading deeper and eeper without the lift of burden. This definitely is the true friend.
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