Keep a going. Simple words understood.
Oppression, would not delay his life walk.
Step by step through life's fray, he knew he would
Lean into the wind, onward in his stalk.
To find his heart dream, he would never balk.
Weathered, weary, he neared the oceans roar.
Power infused him, stepping on the shore.
Author notes
perserverence. / A first time try. Never heard of it before.
A contest entry
- Torn by Pamela A Lamppa.
1750 points, ended August 20, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Mechanically you have adhered to the form specs. A good try at Rhyme Royal and you truly nailed the prompt with your message.
The poem is a bit stiff which hampers the flow some, however, with a little polish this can tidy up to be a real gem.
Take these lines:
'Step by step through nights way, he knew he could.
Lean into the wind, onward in his stalk.
To find his heart dream, he would never balk.'
might read smoother as:
'Step after step through many nights he would
lean into the wind with his wayward walk
to find his heart's dream which would never balk.'
Just a thought. Thank you so much for your entry. Best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela
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I do believe that your rhyme and count is correct..
I am not a polished poet when it comes to some of the form poetry, but it's always fun to try. You seem to be a man of few words and your poem makes a good positive statement.
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Lean into the wind, - yes, a great line to use. Nice alliteration in weathered weary. Very nice. ~Bramble
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