I plugged you into suction,
vacuumed out every
piece of gold leaf
from your clogged-up veins.
I thought I’d make things better.
I thought I’d make
you better.
I scattered the coins everywhere:
couldn’t understand
why they broke the bones
they landed on,
couldn’t understand
why they always seemed to
group together in one place.
In your thrashing fight
to get them back
you tore apart half the world.
It took me a while to realise
that everyone everywhere
was just the same
as you.
So I took the gold back –
for safe-keeping.
Don’t look at me
with that smug clawlike smile.
I’m doing it to keep it safe.
I am.
I am.
Author notes
Option 2
A contest entry
- Ashamed to be Human by Death of the Author.
450 points, ended August 31, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ** Deep Options to Meet some Great Poets!** by City-of-Angels.
500 points, ended September 14, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ashamed to be Human - Collection Point II by Death of the Author.
450 points, ended September 15, 2008, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
Amazing message. I agree, the italics realllly add to it. The ending is great. I must admit, the beginning (around the 2nd full stanza) was slightly hard to follow, but overall it was very well done. Thanks for the entry and good luck
-
This one I really like and that ending fits in so well
-
-
Thanks
-
-
Nice start. The gold leaf makes the pun perfectly clear and I think I prefer it without the part in your author's note. I really like the second real stanza (after the 2 interupting ones). In fact, I like the whole damn thing.
I think, on the last "I am." where you are almost trying to convince yourself you could use italics to enforce the point. Or underlined, or bold, I suppose it's your choice really.
Thanks for your entry...excellent
-
-
Think you're right about the cut section. And about the italics, actually. So thank you for your help
-
-
No problem, nice to meet you
-
-
Nice to meet you too - and very nice to come back to the computer and find about a million comments on my poems Off to read them now...
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
