… and those soft songs
scream surrender,
spitting faith into blackness
like misused prays
dressed in Sunday best,
hiding the feted truth,
but what do you do
when drought has rained
upon salted pools,
rendering tributaries
to hollow lines across once
fertile face?
I could snip corset threads,
raise a goblet to catch filaments
of maybes before they root
into cuffs,
or even claim stigmata
over love-bite crimes,
but I am no false prophet
whose parables fade
with their last breath.
So I bind tines tighter
in the hope that mercy
won’t slip between the cracks,
and those sad songs
fall silent behind gags
of hopelessness
and whispers of departing wings.
Author notes
Prompt : "Send Me An Angel" by Real Life
I know you were looking for something to cheer you both up, but I'm just not in a cheerful frame of mind of late.
My apologies for this, its not one of my better efforts but I seem to have been missing quite o few of my sisters contests lately and wanted to assure her she is not forgotten.
Author : Fug-azi
A contest entry
- Title / Lyric Inspiration #1 by Errant Panther.
500 points, ended August 7, 2008, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites for Comments :] by ElectricBloom.
700 points, ended November 23, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critique Requested
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Wow,
I love this.
Such fantastic imagery, so beautiful.
I love your word choice in this, you use some very interesting vocabulary.
and I especially love the 2nd stanza, your use of a question works very well.
Authors name in comments please?
ElectricBloom -
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Editied to include Authors name, sorry forgot that bit
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Congratulations to you on your Silver what a wonderful contest. Truly glad to see this win
Blessings,
Frozentearz -
I love this
Such a beautifully dark piece with excellent word usage and brilliant metaphor...I am moved and sighing by the tone and the ending leaves me wanting to spread my wings and fly away and keep you company
Lynda
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lovely piece despite the melancholy tone, superb phrasing and elegant expression. great take on the prompt song.
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um typo..3rd verse last line..no "e" on breath..the verb has the "e"..it is a rather melancholy write..but not full fledged dark..just a whisper of sadness..which makes this in my opinion an absolute must read..your use of the english language is brilliant as always my friend..your write is real..not a hint of fantasy..total humanity in it with all of its lovely flaws...makes us unique...thanx so much for sharing..best of luck in the contest..blessings..namaste..
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