I always wanted to watch you
sleeping, the shape your lips
made, and the baby breath curling
from your lungs, shattering
each dream I couldn't chase away.
I would sit on the counter,
naked, and think about why I didn't smoke
and how it would be perfect
if I did, but oh so cliché.
And I would watch your wrists
stay still, and not reach out
to catch mine;
or I would lay, flat lined and
parallel to your bones, trying to feel
you dreaming of me,
and trying to imitate the beat
of your heart.
I am not allowed to dream
like that,
anymore.
Author notes
personal.
20 lines.
without the word "ghost."
A contest entry
- Interpretation of Image/ 15/20 by imahealer.
750 points, ended August 5, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
serious critiques. tell me i suck.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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YOu are the first poet who saw what I saw in the image. i saw a dead man, surrounded by women, who once had begged him to stop all of his bad habits! Your last stanza was the perfect volta and explained to me a little of your craziness! (Poets are all a bit on the border line!) Second to last stanza was very graphic, though metaphorical in content! I am going to give you some advice and I hope you take it to heart! NEVER, EVER say your your writing sucks! If you believe enough in your words, then it is your creation! I cannot award you a trophy, because you did did not believe in your words and your line breaks were irregular. I DO love the way you think and hope you will enter another of my contests in the future. I have them a lot, and would love to see another from you!Write on poet. YOu have a wonderful future!
Linda or as some call me Shana 
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ah...
i wasn't saying this sucked.
i like this a lot.
i was asking for harsh critiques, and for people..
well, my writing instructor always says to tear down a person's ego to help them correct something.
but thanks.
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you really don't suck at all
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this is brilliant.
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thank you.
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