Sitting on a mushroom.

I was sitting on a mushroom ,drinking royal honey,
When a hockey puck with hiccups said something very funny. 
He said that he was sixty-two and had married yesterday,
But his bride had met a beehive and with him run away.
She'd given back her sapphire ring ,with her finger still inside,
He'd nailed it to a lightpost just before she died.
He put his arm around me and handed me a rose,
It really rather shook me, so I hit him on the nose.
He said that I was special, could he take me to the beach,
I put on a plaid bikini and stood just out of reach.
He stole my heart, he stole my purse, but then he gave it back,
I was just like Alice lost in Wonderland  wrapped in a union jack.   
His proposal came as quite a shock, like sitting on a nail,
I'd never been this popular, my words began to fail.
He looked at me with eyes of blue and full of rising damp,
But I turned him down, like trousers, because he was too camp.