In shadows of obscurity,
Removed from that for which I yearn,
I see light, my security –
Not so! The darkness still returns.
Within my heart that light remembers
The weary flame of hope still burns.
I clutch the glowing, warm embers
But, oh! the darkness still returns.
So strive I for eternal peace
Where death purges all past concerns;
I gladly wait for my release.
Alas! The darkness still returns.
A contest entry
- DARK by skilter.
350 points, ended August 15, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
-
this is so brilliant,
and dark, i love this so much, but i cant really say more.. lol
x -
wow, this is worded so well, nicely written indeed!
-
-
thanks!
-
-
I love the wramth of this poem.
-
-
Thank you!
Very glad you liked it. Thanks for the comment.
-
-
This is really good, very smooth
Well done poet
-
-
Thanks
-
-
how can you conquer is like a question poem nice!
i like it very much thanks it reminds me of the word twilight
-
-
Thanks; I'm really glad you like it.
-
-
Liked the last line repetition throughout these three verses; good flow, rhythm and rhyme as well. Sentiments well expressed in these lines. Death certainly does release one of pain and when in severe pain we seem to wish for that.
-
-
Thank you for the comment! Though death seems to promise a release, I was also trying to communicate that this is not an adequate solution and does not really solve our problems. The fact that the narrator realizes that the darkness is there even in death indicates that he/she has not in fact found release. While the lines "So strive I for eternal peace / Where death purges all past concerns" show that the narrator EXPECTED to find peace in death, in reality he/she discovered that it didn't really work that way. Anyway, I guess my poem probably didn't communicate that well enough. Haha sorry. Thanks again for the comment
-
-
As it should. We should repeat our wrongs until we are bright enough to realize that frustration dreams can and should be escaped from. Even in poetry.
-
-
Interesting point. I think the darkness can represent a number of things. I hadn't really looked at it as the mistakes we ourselves make although that is a very valid and interesting way to look at it. Thanks for the enlightening insight; I think that's why AP is such a cool place because of getting all sorts of feedback on not only how people think the poem is written but also what it means to them.
-
-
An interesting and vivid write which uses a repeated refrain quite effectively to capture the tone. Appropriate use of form, structure and diction throughout and this does describe the struggle clearly and without ambiguity. Thanks for sharing.
-
-
Thank you! I was actually writing a kyrielle for the first time, and I'm not so good with refrains so I am quite glad to hear that it was effective. Thanks for the comment!
-
-
Darkness ...
... comes in lots of shapes & sizes. You do well here in expressing our struggle. I like your word choice and the abab rhyme. Thanks for sharing this. Warm regards, Sultan
-
-
I agree. There are many types of suffering, pain, loss, confusion, and darkness that can intrude upon one's life. Thank you for the comment, and I appreciate the compliment. As for word choice I am a little ashamed of the simplicity of some of the rhymes; that's a rut from I can't seem to extricate myself. Oh well, I'm working on it haha. Thanks again!
-
-
This is beautiful. I loved:
Within my heart that light remembers
The weary flame of hope still burns.
I clutch the glowing, warm embers
But, oh! the darkness still returns.
a lot. Great write here!! ♥ ~ Kerri -
-
Thank you! That was the stanza I liked best, too. Glad you like it! Thanks
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 19 of 19
