It's quite obvious,
that you've learned nothing.
For I am no longer,
the one to blame.
So you spent the last 3 years,
condemning me for my actions.
Yet it seems I'm the one that's moved on,
I have matured in many ways.
Now your voice it sounds so hollow,
now my love for you turns black.
I realize after all of my trials,
you got what you deserved.
So I may have been the one,
living and dealing with my depression.
I know it seemed,
that I was pushing you away.
An endless saga on repeat,
and I was the one that left.
How ironic,
that we both have something in common.
We both turned our backs,
on many occasions.
Betraying our closest friends,
and tearing apart the ones we love.
For no just reason,
but now I've changed my season.
The distinct difference?
I've accknowledged what I've done,
and you stand there atop square one.
It's too bad that your salvation,
you chose to throw away.
The only true friend you had besides me,
my best friend.
Oh how he defended your position,
and yet he also told you when I was right.
You wanted bias,
when it's what you wanted to hear.
I may have screwed you over,
I may have been quite selfish.
I've never been dishonest,
and avenged myself through a web of lies.
So for the rest of your life,
you can dwell there.
Atop square one,
and think of your past.
I've moved on,
I'm with a great girl.
If you only knew,
how she tried and did what you couldn't do.
Wasted time and life lessons,
that's all I have to show.
I said I'd love you forever,
but I cannot continue to love.
Someone who never was,
and someone who will never be.
So in 20 years when you're all alone,
basking in your hatred.
Content with your ignorance,
and satisfied with your immaturity.
I know that you'll remember me,
but I soon will forget you.
An ode to the one that never tried,
an ode to the one who always lied.
I am through with you.
Author notes
It's truly a long story. If you're that curious I've a series called Dear Anna that details more about who she was and the impact she had on my life.
Long story short, '05 a friend tells me she's interested, I get to know her, my grandma dies, I spiral in to depression. I break up with her and say I need time to get my life back together, got back together, conflicts arose from her seemingly lacking emotions. I wish to commit suicide, she cries, my best friend talks me through it, she has nothing to say. She next day calls the cops, I weazel my way out cause I'm that damn good. I tell her that it's not her place, because she didn't help me at all and my friend did all of the talking.
I fall deeper in to depression. She misses me and now wants to help, her parents hate me. She wants to try, they block my number. We get a friend of hers to call me on 3 way, she finally starts to find emotion and she finally acknowledges that she loves me. A few days later, I decide I want a change in scenery and that this isn't worth the pain.
We're friends, friendship fades, she gets cell phone summer of 06, we talk as friends. I want to get back with her because I realized that I felt guilty. We talked but it seemed we went no where. When she had a problem with me, she told my friend. I got mad.
Tried calling her, she didn't return my calls. I got in to a bunch of meaningless relationships that destroyed me internally, which is the way I wanted it, because I thought I deserved it.
'07 came and we stoped talking, friend goes to birthday party in early April, she's there and briefly tells me that she wants to sever ties. July comes and I write a letter of apology not wanting her friendship or love back but just to clear my head. Tell her it's senseless hating each other, she agrees. Continues to talk about me behind my back anyway, but I decide that I'll always love her for what we had. Then 3 weeks ago comes, she's already turned her back on the rest of her friends over the last few years, then turns her back on my best friend who remained neutral. Today I move on.
Oh, to answer your question there's no way in hell that you can love someone who unjustly stomps your heart in to the ground, unless the other party proves with actions "not buying things" that he was wrong. I believe the only real love that exists is the unconditional kind, which very few seem to understand. Forgive me for being rude but I just consider it honest, you love the good times that you had and the him you think existed or still exists. Yet you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that it's not truly how he is. If you need closure, he obviously didn't hear how you really felt about him, and the only thing that can get you across this bridge is yourself.
How ironic that I found this contest today, if you're still reading than you obviously care about someone's feelings but your own.
Let's hope my currently relationship works out, if not.....
Shadow BC.
A contest entry
- Closing The Door To Your Past by Viyanna Rosemarie.
1233 points, ended September 21, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Share with me your interpretations.
Comments
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I love personal poems like this...so meaningful because I know they mean something to the writer...I wonder what kind of person you'll be in 20 years?
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Wow...
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ok so truthfully i absolutely loved this poem bc, i guess its because i can relate to it in my own predicament but it is wonderful and has a great flow.
although i did read the entire poem, i definitely did not have the attention span to read the really long authors note haha.
very well written and nicely emotional. excellent job!
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