Gravel insights
trail into tearful puddles,
that gently sweep along
cherry petals;
so frail.
Down the drain
heads sultry recollection,
emptying the past
into scattered frames of
what could've been
tomorrow.
Hands fall,
weakened by memories
that play over on repeat,
through saturated cheeks
and sorrow,
as the only pigment
surrounding the wet sidewalk
is red.
what's left?
another shade;
a forgotten gradient
of you.
Author notes
I may edit this, I'm not sure. I ♥ Gem ^_^
Picture inspiration
http://allpoetry.com/images/ext/Contest/2416/623.jpg?1217827933
A contest entry
- All That's Left by x Gemini x.
500 points, ended August 22, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tired of HM's (X) by PatheticKt.
550 points, ended August 26, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
why do we run from the wind...
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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Lovely short piece I just read here and especially like how you kept the melancholic feel going on in a subtle tone and all
The lines were written in a simply wonderful way; the imagery- quite beautiful ^^
Not much to say, there could've been more but not that necessary, anyway
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Well thank you!
I wanted to take a break from long poems for this, i wanted it to be very subtle yet beautiful. Thank you for your comment... I very much appreciate it.
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Thank you for entering my contest.
Really good language use...though sometimes it distracts, I think.
Original.
Very nice
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NOW, for a proper comment from me... I really enjoyed this. The imagery is wonderfully descriptive, leading along that lingering essence of revelry. Well spoken indeed. I especially enjoyed these lines:
"Hands fall,
weakened by memories
that play over on repeat,
through saturated cheeks
and sorrow,
as the only pigment
surrounding the wet sidewalk
is red."
So pained, and so beautiful... Nicely done!
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you jerk I think you just beat me
but I love you anyways...and it was amazing 
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great imagery and emotional delivery
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'head's' should be possessive.
'saturated cheeks' was my favorite image.
Excellent end. Very well writ!
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why should it be possessive? it doesn't own anything. That doesn't make sense to me. It's heading, as in traveling, moving forward. "Down the drain heads sultry recollection". it doesn't own anything.
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wow.. veyr nice and great use of words! indeed this is a superb write.. great job and good luck!
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wonderful images in expressing loss.
thanks.
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It's really pretty, even thought it's so sad. Sometimes sadness can be beautiful. My favorite part was "emptying the frame...tomorrow".
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This was an absolutely beautiful poem. I'm not quite sure if I am one-hundred percent comfortable with the staggered lines, it seems a little awkward, but... still beautiful, none the less. Great job. Good luck!
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I got most of this before looking at the photo, but after doing so, I would suggest a few minor changes so the poem stands solely on its own without the photo. Try "sweep" instead of "sway", and "rose" instead of "red" for the pigment. Love this line "Down the drain
heads sultry recollection". Well done Kerri.
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okay so I gave in... on All That's Left... I ended up changing it to "sweep." I liked it. thanks.
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I'm honored Kerri, and you're welcome, although "I'd never want to see you change for me." (song lyric---*humming a few bars*)
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I like
Very nicely done...great flow, reads well.
Gooid luck with the contest.
Nevadapoet -
A Beautifully sad poem...my favorite lines were:
Down the drain
heads sultry recollection,
emptying the past
into scattered frames of
what could've been
tomorrow.
Hands fall,
weakened by memories
that play over on repeat,
through saturated cheeks
and sorrow,
...a very well written piece...
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Awesome
It's great! =]
-Jexxi-
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*sighs*
I love this! The first two verses are marvellous! My favourite has got to be the second. You drew a sigh out of me. The more I read this, the greater effect it has on me. I am on my third read through right now.
No editing required
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Whats better then beautifully marvelous? the farther I read the more your words captured me, congrats to that. A poem of loss if I've ever seen one, yet that ending is an interesting question that leaves a hunger for an answer. Me like this one.
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Beautiful poem with a delicate touch to it. I love the words you used and how you put them together. This poem speaks of losing something precious to you, something you hold dear in your heart.Gravel insights is a very wordy title. It gives me the feeling of grating emotions, like something that won't leave your mind. Well done. The ending itself leaves the question open. (a forgotten Gradient of you).It somehow tells me you may expect them to return. Only my views of how i see this poem, but all in all, a very neat piece of work.
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Wow!! What an amazing take on that picture! Ohhh I can so relate to this!
Beautifully done!!
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Wow. Just. Fucking. WOW.
I's amazed. Every poem you write makes me wanting more.
You really should try writng a poem a day.
I think you'd be good at it.
♥
Speechless, as always.
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I like this one from you, its imagery is really strong. A suggestion perhaps, instead of 'all' in the last stanza try
'what's left?
another shade
a forgotten gradient
of you'
the question leaves the rest a much stronger ending, but it's only a suggestion. I really loved this from you.
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I will, I want to keep to the poem title, and the contest title I do like that suggestion though, and i think it will still work
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I like!
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A very intricate piece of thought penned here. Poignant and well penned. You have been nominated!
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like, nominated for spotlight?
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Nominated for our group - Today's Poem. I always forget to say that when I post from the box!
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I know what you speak of..
*sighs* its never a good feeling is it
but this poem is sadly beautiful in a way
Much enjoyed
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