I'm standing at the edge of oblivion,
Straddling the crevasse of life.
Standing on the cusp of reality,
How can I ever learn how to fly?
Am I standing at the edge of the river now,
Am I wandering the shoreline with you?
Waiting on the silence of everything,
How can I ever learn how to lie?
Will you be there for me when I try to love,
Will you be there when I'm ready to cry?
Will you wait for me here while I figure out,
How can I ever learn how to die?
Author notes
written a while ago and edited and edited and edited...i want to know what you think...honestly...seriously...
Written January 11th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Your best prewrite by glazecovered.
300 points, ended February 23, 2004, 274 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I really like this. I don't have anything to add really other then this is one of my favorites of yours.
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Death
Death is a certain my young friend. As for the rest, well they are optional in this crazy mixed up world. Live and laugh. Let the chips fall where they may...And write on young poet
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Wow this is really great. The beauty and simplicity makes this complexed poem great. I loved the last stanza.
Will you be there for me when I try to love,
Will you be there when I'm ready to cry?
Will you wait for me here while I figure out,
How can I ever learn how to die?
**Keep up the great work.**
kahy
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I can definately tell you like poems with questions, You question yourself as much as I do myself. I like this poem very much.
"Will you wait for me here while I figure out,"
This line in particular caught my eyes..I have asked this question many times before
excellent poem!
Sel~ -
there is a melancholy sweetness to this write that makes my heart sigh.The words are heavy yet not mournful...almost bittersweet.Again...great
Blessed be
~~Serenity~~
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I like the first verse .. good metaphor. The second is good but I think the river metaphor trips up with "rooftop", there are no rooftops in rivers? Perhaps you could use something else as part of the river metaphor? And you could continue you it with silence ... maybe the silence of the riverbank? The last verse is a bit cliched. Sounds like I don't like it! Actually I do, the flow and idea are good. If I was a teacher it would get 7/10. That's good for me :-)
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I like it, could be better, but none the less I like it. Sounds like a poem one of my friends would write.
unloved~band~nerd -
The last line in the second stanza seemed a little out of place...That's the only piece of criticism that I have. I loved this piece, it is so emotional and beautiful. I could feel the tremendous amount of feeling, I'm not sure what it was. Love, confusion, desperation...Whatever it was, greta job! Thank you for etnering and good luck.
~Anastasia -
a great poem as u can see from the really positive responses. the flow was the key and it was excellent. good luck in the contest
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There's a sense of confusion in this poem; I don't know if that was intended or not. Decisions, decisions. So many of them lie in front of you, and it appears you don't even know which way to turn. I found this to be a fascinating poem, although like the person above me said, there are no real answers to your questions. Your damn-near-perfect rhyme and meter flow makes this write sound even more intelligent. Your energies were certainly not wasted!
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora
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its a really emotional piece, sort of bring to mind the words of gordon downie "in the context, a concave nest. how do we learn to hurt?". the three questions you raise in each stanza "how can i ever learn how to fly, lie, and die are questions that can't be answered, because the only is to do it. i can tell you i've pondered all of these things my self and they can really raise answers that can be a great writing inspiration. grammer and structure are great, honestly,...seriousally i enjoyed reading this, and i thank you for sharing it with us.
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perfection
Ok well i like how it seems there are so many decisions your thinking of trying to knwo if that person is with you...so many questions you seem to have..and i like the way you put them. your style is very different and i liekd every word it was soo eloquently done...your great with your words and with your grammer basically a flawless poem that really touched me becuase i've felt these questions and this feeling many times all i can say...perfection.
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