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seasons

missing you
 
 
Lost inside my second chances,
 I've blown them all on lustful glances.
 And I treat you as if you don't really matter.
  
That couldn't be further from the truth.
  
 You and I are lost in separate seasons.
 I am so cold amidst the winter snow,
 and you are burning up
in the summer's sun.
 
I never felt so far away,
 like galaxies are separating us
 and there's no luck of change.
  
 Will you travel back to where I stay?
 In hopes that you'll find me here
 and everything can be okay.
 

Author notes

Pic Credit: http://evol1314.deviantart.com/art/MISSING-YOU-37713602

Option 10: http://evol1314.deviantart.com/art/MISSING-YOU-37713602

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 24 of 24

  • Cavca
    October 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting. There are a few places where the flow staggers, but I'm not sure if you wanted it that way. One example would be "like galaxies are separating us" I think would sound better "like we're in separate galaxies" but that is just me. In any case, good luck. Thanks for entering.


  • GypsyEyes
    October 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    you are AMAZING! for writing this one! i love it!! i can relate so much to this! thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! ~CarnalNineTailedFox


  • sora.
    September 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is amazing!
    im going to be unoriginal and steal the term "wistful" from some previous comments. =P
    so much emotion.
    great work.
    =]


  • Silly Rabbit.
    September 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful... The way you split it it almost seems as though it's from the two different perspectives... I'm not sure if that's what you were meaning but that's what I got from it..

    Wonderful piece... Thank you so much for entering and good luck.

    [[♥]]


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    August 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wistful and tender, mournful and poignant; this poem runs a range of emotions. Well written.


  • Polaja Greeters member
    August 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the wistful nature of this poem - beautiful take on the picture - I loved the stream-of-thoughts feel the presentation is very creative also!

    Keep writing

    Polly


  • sailor ptolema
    August 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    hmm... I rather liked this . I think the distribution of the words on either side of the page was pretty darn cool .
    g'luck!

    -sailor ptolema


  • quantumsurveyor
    August 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A quite awesomw take on the incredible picture prompt. I think though that the rhyme "okay" weakens the whole. Nicely developed nevertheless.


  • luna-midnight gold member
    August 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    awwww this is wonderful and so sad, i know the feelings you did beautifully for the pic, and i love the format, good luck in the contest and take care
    Stephanie ♥


  • echo-ink
    August 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Oh! wow,

    This was awesome, loved it. glad you entered, Yessa! PL


  • Haiku-bless-you silver member
    August 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What a great picture for inspiration! You have blended well the seasons and emotions of the heart. The seperation and unlikely reunion is a bittersweet theme held together by withering stands of hope(but it could happen!). I want to believe in miracles too. Very nice poem/picture package.

    Dennis

  • carole21
    August 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    nice write for the prompt . . honest and thoughtful . . great pic . . liked "Lost inside my second chances" and "You and I are lost in separate seasons" . . good luck in the contest


  • DarkWind
    August 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Tres Bein, Mon Ami

    This really is written verry well. It is cryptic and yet we get the feeling that you put into each line, well done! If I may offer one bit of advice, as a good friend of mine once told me, you must punctuate to get the rythm and the flow to be seen and heard by the reader. Letting you words run wild is fine and well but for the reader it makes it more diffucult to get the rythm, if you corral them with punctuation it is easier for us to understand and feel. Well penned, keep writing.
    May the Stars Guard Your Path, and The Moon Guide Your Heart.


    • lowercase prelude gold member
      August 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thank you for the advice. I changed it up. If you could, please tell me what you think.


  • Mistress Masquerade
    August 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The imagery here is so amazing, this is a beautiful and emotional write. You blew me away as always with each line made to enjoy and read twice over.


  • XxemohatexX
    August 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    that is great jsut like everything you write but i realy like this one it made me go back and read it again i lieked

    I am so cold amidst the winter snow
    and you are burning up
    in the summer's sun

    that is my fav part it is realy good keep up the great work your very talented lie i have always told you though i am only therteen i think that i know good poetry when i read it and yours is great


  • Number 13
    August 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow, so beautiful


  • FindingMeInJesus
    August 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful.... That's all I can say.


  • penman gold member
    August 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Wonderfully crafted so very well expressed. Thank you for sharing.


  • Xianaria gold member
    August 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oh yeah...these too ~


  • amaranthine lover gold member
    August 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    It's a lovely piece...how come you get to left align and I don't?

    • lowercase prelude gold member
      August 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I am a gold member, maybe that's why.

      Plus, I am awesome. And when you're awesome, you get certain privileges. LOL

      • Xianaria gold member
        August 3, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        so humble, art thou!

        it is very nice, but i sense the sadness behind the words. if this was written for someone specific, then i do hope the seasons can meet in spring somewhere.

1 - 24 of 24