Disregard
this vacancy down my spine
it whistles
like a lonesome train
traveling tracks
that rumble through despair
A powerful giant
casting aside
etch-a-sketch memories
of frightened children
we all once were
I shall not billow
with regret
for moments of satisfaction
stolen
by a beast
that stalks my head
Instead I race reckless
to heated pathways that lead
to dead ends
where I
…STOP…
and ask myself
quivering questions
such as
“What is the color of honesty?
and What lies beneath the salt of a kiss?”
Do the answers lie in scribbles
that sleep in worn notebooks
I still carry to mask
this vacancy?
And now
I refuse to let
the writing on the bathroom wall
be the prophetic whisper
of my demise
Over milk spilt, I will not cry
for it was satire’s mistake
that brought me here
and when shove comes to push
I draw strength from the
black raven
You will find me
in her
encasing this vacancy
materializing these memories
into fleshy dreams
of primitive consciousness
that roar in the unbearable silence
I love feedback, good or bad. I just want to get better so give me honest opinions
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Hmm..
I.. like parts of it.
The first stanza was insane, in a good way.
etch a sketch memories - I get the picture
but I don't like it in this poem for some reason.
Good work though. -
great job! I liked the metaphors in this one and the overall theme you went with here. Good stuff.
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coolness
pretty cool i liked the NIN closer ending it's a great escape but then a slap in the face when it's all over and reality is peering around the corner, i related to your flow also it's a well thought out piece right on later on -
great job keep writing.
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verry strong a craking poem
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This poem was quite inticing.. I like the theme you ran with here. It is strong and enjoyable. You captivated me with the very beginning of this poem. I also thought that the freedom of your words spoke volumes! The only thing I found that distracted me just a bit was the use of the "?" I don't know why that rang out to me
I like that you left of punctuation throughout the piece, and that was to the contrary. Does that make any sense?? 
I also want to commend you for your wording.. such as "writing on the bathroom walls"! That was a great use of that phrase. This poem is well rounded and reflects your talent. Thanks for the inspiring read!
Melanie
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Very innovative! I love how you came up with so many unique metaphors and uses of imagery...yet kept it very 'human' and tethered to reality.
Also, it was very touching and relatable....
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Nice write..!! lots of imagery that I really love, good dose of metaphors and I really liked the way the words sounded when I read this aloud , a treat to both mind and ears
Well done, hope to read more by you...
LR
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great name
over spilt milk i will not cry love it
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I liked this, especially comparing spines to railroad tracks. There is a lot to think about in here, lots to imagine and picture in my mind, great write!
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Very nice.
Hmmm... That's some heavy stuff.
I can't get out of my head that some of the lines look very familiar, not that it is plagiarism, I think it's positive, it gives the poem a familiar yet unknown type of feel.I must say it is a beautiful poem, the only thing I find a bit overdone (in my opinion) is the picture speech. Throughout the whole poem I find myself busy translating it into normal terms, but I think this was done on purpose. If so than it doesn't matter, but otherwise you might want to try to reduce that by just a bit. (But do NOT change this poem, it is as it should, but maybe in future.)
Still 3 applauds and a blink
.
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"instead...i...STOP..." i loved this line. actually, it brings a chill to me when i think about the times i have taveled heated pathways to only end at dead ends. then asking myself, "WTF"? good job, chrissy!
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