Pitter, patter, the rain falls slowly
In rhythm with the light, somber tones of the morning
The sound of silence can only compare
To ten thousand whispers, people hear but never listen
The words of the broken are written on the walls of the hollow
Angels strumming ever so lightly on the instruments of fate
Time slows to a crawl and bends into a clock
Grows wings, elated with such peace that life itself may seldom attain
Opening windows and souls to all that is pure
Seeds effloresce into infinity beneath time’s ravenous hands
These moments of eternity drift around us
Approaching their anti-climactic peak only to wither away unnoticed
Eternity incarnate by the brightest light, the cloudless sky
Perfection embodied in a summer’s rain
Sacred bliss found only in the hope that comes from above
Perceived not by the eloquence of words
But by the grace of the salvaged soul
Savor and cherish these heavenly drops
The minute details that pass swiftly by
Bittersweet tears may stream
As sly tongues grasp for the words to describe
Yet inside, soar with eagle’s wings
And conform no longer to the pattern of this world
But be lifted out of the grey and into the light
And always cherish the eyes that sparkle with tranquil serenity
A contest entry
- ~ When Rain Falls~ Prompt by Frozentearz.
525 points, ended August 21, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BEAUTY by Swan song.
450 points, ended August 23, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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such a great piece... if i had to pick a favorite part i would have to place the whole thing in this comment... keep writing your emotions
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this is an excellent poem...there are so many great lines which carry the majestic beauty...great write...i am glad i read it...all the best..
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You put a ton of beauty within this poem and I enjoyed reading it very much. There is so much to this poem that some spacing would be good breaking it down into stanzas. You overwheaml your reader with images and wine sipping language but it comes too fast. Break up your lines a bit with stanzas a comma where needed
and you will have an awesome poem worth reading over and over again.
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This poem has a lot to say and a lot to offer the reader, but for me I think it would be so much stronger with some punctuation within it, and if it was broken up into stanzas. As it stands it seems to all run together.
I'm not the punctuation guru lol. but a few periods here and there would sure give this a wonderful flow
and capture the reader within your words.
Thanks for joining in I enjoyed reading it.
Warm thoughts.
Frozentearz -
This was such a great piece to read with so much to savor. So profound in meaning and emotion... wonderful imagery. THe only suggestion I could give would be to place some line breaks so the reader can savor bits at a time instead of trying to grasp it all in one long read. Thanks so much for entering. A delightful piece!
Frogz~ -
Beautiful.
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