Our hearts flutter around the stars
and like flowers that curl up and die;
we smile for the world and die within.
Yes, we strive and seek out reasons;
strange it seems, but there's no logic.
As the truth burns in us like the sun;
we fence our eyes with wall of massive stones
while these ill misconceptions stain our souls.
Furthermore, we drift, and like smoke we scatter
frantically into the wind, because of the truth we fear,
we harbor maliciously the wrong way of living;
and without any awareness, our daily lives plummet into darkness.
We're so blinded by our ignorance, we never seek to change.
Our lives are nothing but a masquerade of beauty
buried beneath the veil of lies and sadness.
Many things that feel good are far from right
wrong is wrong and always will be, so please beware;
a bisexual women, a homo, or a convicted criminal
are no different, yet, I don't live by the Bible code
or the Koran, but I do know abortion is moral sick;
therefore, I close my eyelids, hoping I don't get to see,
because where there's consciousness’, there is truth,
and where there's life, darkness is forsaken.
The night and the day may seem so wise,
but the dangers are merely the same-
perhaps more during the day than the night
for darkness teaches us to be cautious.
Author notes
Write about a place in the world right now. It could be where you live, doesn't matter. Tell me what problems come along with this place and what you could (or wish you could) do to change it. If your going to make it about America (because god knows we have our problems) make sure it's not too cliche'd. Be sure to add awesome vocabulary and emotion on this one
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Option 2
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Write about the corruption that comes with money. NOTHING CLICHE'D once again, this could be a bit tough to be unique. To give you a little guidance, maybe you could compare it to something. Make a big metaphore out of it. Do something, just don't make it to where I question whether I've read it before.
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Option 3
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Tell me about religion (yikes hopefully everybody will be open-minded with this one) Not about a petitular religion (though you may if you want but I'm wanting this to go a bit further) Tell me what religion can do to/for a person. Do we really need religion in this day of age? I want to know the thought process behind religion. Like why people have the need for religion. Please please don't preach to me. If your going to be for religion, tell me why..don't throw verses at me pleaseeee. I'm one of those scientific people, that question things..so make me question my own beliefs! But please try to do it in a smart way.
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Option 4
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Is a peaceful world possible? Tell me why or why not? Can everybody share the world and live in peace..or are we just kidding ourselves? Is there always at least one person that wants to control, or can we change this? What's your views on this? Personally I don't believe a peaceful world is possible. FEEL FREE TO CHANGE MY MIND
I chose all of these options because i think the poem is a combination of all of them
A contest entry
- PICTURE PROMT by Zoe2007.
450 points, ended August 20, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Wanna Feel Your Pain by slippingofftheedge.
300 points, ended August 15, 2008, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - CRUCIAL CONTEST!! by Olivias Violin.
300 points, ended August 20, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ** Deep Options to Meet some Great Poets!** by City-of-Angels.
500 points, ended September 14, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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wow i love this
the first stanza was amazing!!!!
i just love the way that you have written this
thank you so much for entering and good luck! -
Very nice. I loved the combinations
For me, I believe the concept of right and wrong can be different for everybody. For instance a shop keeper finds a stack of his food in his shop has been taken, and he loses all of his profits. Some would say the man that stole the food must be a common criminal and a thief. In the thiefs perspective though..what if his family was starving to death and he chose to steal food to feed his family. In him and his familys eyes' he isn't a criminal. I believe the definition of right and wrong are all in the eyes of the beholder. Then again there are some things that are just completely morally wrong no matter who looks at it. Like genocide or something. (or like you said with abortion, but then again that would be up for debate since some people don't believe it's all that bad. Thought I do.) I'll stop babbling though haha
Nice thought-provoking poem
Good luck in the contest!
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Our hearts flutter around the stars
and like flowers that curl up and die;
we smile for the world and die within.
Great stanza. Good luck!
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Interesting.
Many things that feel good are far from right
wrong is wrong and always will be, so please beware;
a bisexual women, a homo, or a convicted criminal
are no different, yet, I don't live by the Bible code
or the Koran, but I do know abortion is moral sick;
therefore, I close my eyelids, hoping I don't get to see,
because where there's consciousness’, there is truth,
and where there's life, darkness is forsaken.
Cool and abstract. Everyones different in their own ways...they're just people that don't understand it. Graet job and good luck!
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Favorite lines:
We're so blinded by our ignorance, we never seek to change.
the veil of lies and sadness.
Thanks for entering into my contest and good luck. -
very nice good luck in the contest
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This is a very true write here
Yes indeed right is right and wrong will always be wrong you cant just paint it a different color and expect others to fall in line it will never happen .
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We're so blinded by our ignorance, we never seek to change.
Our lives are nothing but a masquerade of beauty
buried beneath the veil of lies and sadness.
A great read, a brilliant write, but these here are my fave lines
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Beautiful Write
This poem was very beautiful. You had all the right ideas it just needed to be edited a little. Some of the lines seemed a bit wordy and there were some grammar mistakes. Easy to fix no big deal. You did a wonderful job of creating feeling and imagery.
I really liked the lines
"We're so blinded by our ignorance, we never seek to change.
Our lives are nothing but a masquerade of beauty
buried beneath the veil of lies and sadness."
Maybe you could have made a new line at "we"
Overall you did very good. Great job!
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If I read this tought by thought it is very good. However the lack of punctuation and breaks seem a bit confusing. You have the elements of a good write here. Pen on...~Poo~
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Radiant darkness...
I'd indeed take interest in the first persons view on each verse, gleaming plenty of thought in each along many paths. Perhaps my personal favorite would be the close. The beautiful truth in my life, that while most things can be day or night, there is only an illusion of safety in that half of our unbalance we see most vividly. Maybe not the interpretation meant, but the one gleamed. A wonderful dark take, left open enough for us all to take a personal meaning from. -
okay, so to me this is saying that you don't have to be religious to have morals or know right from wrong..which is very true..or something along the lines of you don't have to attend church to worship god or otherwise.
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this was definitely made by you yourself i hope
hello for the person who wrote this poem i hope your you youself is not crouded in darkness i hope you are happy because i believe that the auther of each and every thing they write is made for a reason for somebody else to feel and understand the pain that the author has had or does feel this is by Sakura Avalon i wish you the best of luck and happiness
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Master Piece
Concepts that convey the message "truth" Experience for everyone to develop sef-love and self-acceptance
before one to just have belongness with wrong doings or someone.. whatever we do..expecting outcome to be desirable
Great Job!
Conni~
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To me the end was very different from the beginning, the descriptive terms and images at the beginning were awesome, the style at the end seemed a bit rambling and more confused to me.
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Overwhelming
There are several good ideas here, but you don't help the reader understand where you're really going. Punctuation lets me pause and wrap my head around your thought. Breaking this mass into verses would help me feel progression and development instead of a tidal wave crashing over me and leaving me flattened by the weight and power of it all.
I can almost get a coherent rhythm of thought if I break after 6 lines, 6 lines, 3 lines, 6 lines, 4 lines, then the final 4 lines. I don't know if that pattern would emphasize what you wanted to say, though.
Help! Re-read out loud and punctuate so I can find YOUR meaning better!
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O...M....G!!! I loved this poem. Wow. That's all i have right now is WOW! Magnificent! I loved it. I have read it over three times now. An i just love it. how you described everything. How well it's put together. BRAVO!
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oh my goodness!! i absolutely LOVE this!!! the wods you chose, the way it was written, everything about it i absolutely LOVE!!! great job!! it was very intelligent and one of the best poems ive ever read!!! i love it!! really! it was incredible! with each line i fell more and more in love with the poem. great job! really! keep it up!!
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Fine poem.
Fine poem; great theme.
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This poem has a great deal of potential but it needs some judicious editing. It should be formatted into stanzas that allow the reader to pause at the proper time. This is also a necessity since this poem has a mimimum amount of punctuation so we race from thought to thought. I also would like to see the elimination of "folksy" comments as in line 16. The "see" detracts from the solemness of the poem. There are a few spelling errors or typos that also should be corrected. This poem could be excellent, but it needs some work.
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well done
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WOW!
You said a mouthful here in your write, very powerful and brave. I'm glad you stand up for the innocent aborted babies, HURRAH for you, as I totally agree. good luck in my contest and thanks for entering.
PL
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Wow Mack this was a poem full of truth. Despite what people try to change what wrong is wrong was in the past in the present and the future. there are always demons lurking trying to bring anyone down. and in times of vulnerability the lies seem to fill our head but God is always there and he will listen when we pray and ask.
this was an incredible poem its one of my top favorites from you.
I know the feeling of truth burning through you I really related to that line. beautiful I love your poetry I really do. keep writing always.
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