dewdrops fall from this pretty face
gently framed by black hair
a long white gown tells this girl's story
because nothing is left to be said
except -
goodbye daddy
farewell brave jungle fighter
who gave his life for Việt Nam
rain and wind softly whisper their final salute
to an ordinary man
who became a hero in this last struggle,
dying for his wife and daughter
who can now only hope
that war will soon be over
before those monsters from overseas find their village
and burn down everything
like at Mỹ Lai
where innocent souls fell victim to
vicious creatures seeking to destroy
everything that was left
Author notes
This is about one aspect of the history of Vietnam, my mother's home country: the "Vietnam War", called the "American War" by the Vietnamese. She has told me her Dad died quite early, up to now I have not yet dared to ask her whether he died in the war. I hope I will have the courage to talk to her about it some time in the future....
In Vietnam, white is the colour of mourning.
A contest entry
- Reverse Word Bank Ver:2.0 by Loki.
1000 points, ended August 8, 2008, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-writes, new poems, Anything by Mirrored.in.faith.
525 points, ended September 24, 2008, 104 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Round 2: Historical (invite only) by TyrannyForestFairy.
1050 points, ended September 13, 2008, 4 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 71 Countries by unknownpleasure.
401 points, ended November 2, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - allpoetry's best historical poet; you? by epitome.
300 points, ended October 23, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Wow! I think you're the third person to have managed to follow my exceptionally convoluted and lengthy list of rules - for which I thank you. I haven't been to Vietnam, but it does boast the world's only embalmed former leader I haven't seen, so it's certainly on the list! As is this poem for the finalists section!
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Not all Black and White
I shall comment piecemeal, perhaps not an inappropriate tactic, given the subject matter, and as it strikes my heart and mind to do so.
The choice of "gently" over "gentle" in line 2 marks the difference between an emphasis on the black hair and on the face it frames. Punctuation would be necessitated however, as it were commas to frame the word "gentle".
The "except-" of line 6 I thought might be complemented by an "and-" at (new) Line 3, thus:
"...black hair
and -". That form follows function and the message massages the medium I hold to be powerful tools in poetry. This free verse, evocative as it may be, emotional and in danger of being cliched, might benefit from a surfeit of such devices, as it were punji traps for the mind of the reader.
Clearly a partisan criticism of the Colonialist and post-Colonialist aggressors, it can hardly be considered a full dealing with of the issues involved on the larger and broader scale. It falls half way between the emphatic personal, perhaps used as a mirror for the larger structurals, and political critique drawn by way of inference from the more well regarded human values.
It is impossible for me to easily say more. This piece is what it is, and its simplicity saves it from the heavy handedness some would apply in treating similarly of complex issues the fundamentals of which cannot be denied.
There is a very good book written regarding Dien Bien Phu, treating of the history of Vietnam, its problems with China historically and so on. Did you know that in 1945, during the closing stges of WWII, the United States provided Ho Chi Minh with 3000 rifles to oppose their then colonial oppressors and rivals in the region, the French? Its name escapes me for the time being however, although it is recent.
Until another time, I applaud your light hand and evidently sincere heart, and thank you for the note regarding the colour of mourning in that part of the world (black similarly being the colour of marriage, I believe)
MA.
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Thank you so much for this comment! I'm not used to receiving such detailed comments, and I'm really glad you told me your thoughts and advice on this poem.
I will also keep your book suggestion in mind.
Thanks again!
Annie
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A Lead On the Title
The book is c.2000 AD, and available in the Circular Quay Library, Sydney, Australia ( http://www.cityofsydney.nsw.gov.au/cs_library.asp ) should you wish to pursue knowledge of its title.
As for the depth of comment, I found the process of critique involved in AP allowed me to know of myself that which I respected in the smorgasbord of poetic technique, and thus to refine my own poetry as much if not indeed more than to enjoy that of others. Combined with a study of classical forms and intense practice, I became what one might call an amateur poet - I love it, although between the sheets it may seem cold, when I am hot to trot it out, there is no doubt, poetry is one aspect of what it is all about, regardless of public performance, which, where I am, became simply a special shout out.
Bon Yuex on the Poetique,
et Pense Elite avec le Critique,
Master Anarchy
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tHIS IS A VERY EMOTIVE WRITE i LIKE IT VERY MUCH, i LOVE THE SIMPLICITY OF YOUR WORDS BECAUSE IT MADE THEM SO MUCH MORE HEARTFELT, AND DID NOT DETRACT FROM A VERY STARK MESSAGE IN HUMANITY OR LACK OF IT. tHE SECOND VERSE WAS VERY VERY HAUNTINGLY SAD AND REALLY SHAPED THE WHOLE POEM THANKS FOR SHARING LITTLEFISHONE
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Excellent Write
The other side of the story,nicely put and well written Ann Well deserving of the Trophies awarded.
I covered the "My Lai massacre" in my poem "The Liberators" let me know what you think. Best Wishes
and Kindest Regards George ++++
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Thank you, George, for your comment. I have read "The Liberators" before and I also commented on it. I just read it again and still liked it very much.
Annie
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Hey Little Ann,
Make sure you broaden your horizons and balance your reading. There is a 62 page economic analysis of South VietNam called: "AVAILABILITY OF GOODS IN SOUTH VIETNAM FROM 1964 THROUGH 1967" which details how much South VietNam benefited from (chiefly) American involvement. Here is the abstract to the study in part:
Abstract: ... Despite the adversity of the war and the political and economic uncertainties which followed from it, the South Vietnamese economy, buttressed by massive US aid, moved ahead at a rapid pace in the four year period. Conclusions regarding the total economic gains can be summarized as follows: Total availability of goods increased approximately 20 percent; availability of domestically produced agricultural products declined 9 percent; industrial production increased by at least 45 percent; consumable imports doubled...
Then from this source we learn about the bloodbath which followed the United States withdrawl from VietNam. Here is the opening paragraph:
Perhaps of all countries, democide ["the murder of any person or people by a government, including genocide, politicide, and mass murder"] in Vietnam and by Vietnamese is most difficult to unravel and assess. It is mixed in with six wars spanning 43 years (the Indochina War, Vietnam War, Cambodian War, subsequent guerrilla war in Cambodia, guerrilla war in Laos, and Sino-Vietnamese War), one of them involving the United States; a near twenty-one year formal division of the country into two sovereign North and South parts; the full communization of the North; occupation of neighboring countries by both North and South; defeat, absorption, and communization of the South; and the massive flight by sea of Vietnamese. As best as I can determine, through all this close to 3,800,000 Vietnamese lost their lives from political violence, or near one out of every ten men, women, and children. Of these, about 1,250,000, or near a third of those killed, were murdered.
I'd say that, as regrettable an incident as My Lai was, the Asian-on-Asian violence which followed absolutely dwarfed Lt. Calley's atrocities. -
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Dear EarthToJim,
thank you for taking the time to comment on this write.
First of all, this poem is not written from my point of view, but I was trying to put myself into the mind of a Vietnamese person who has lost almost everything in this war. In my opinion, poetry cannot be written from a neutral point of view, or to state it differently, I know for sure I am not able to do that. That's why this is called "poetry" and not a history book. I studied the Vietnam War in as much detail as possible and of course I have also read about the atrocities committed by both sides.
But I have to admit that the Vietnam War is a highly personal topic to me because my mother is Vietnamese, she used to live in South Vietnam and moved to the former GDR in 1985. As I said before, I am not able to be impartial about this war, especially because it is linked to my family history.
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A sad write that acts out history in poigant manner with the structure of the terminology and the inner emotion told.
Thanks for entering and good luck in my contest
~Emily~ xx
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WOW I have shivers while reading that and with the authors note about mourning white, it made it seem so much more real.
I love how you opened the poem, it was like the start of a movie where you see a snippet of it before reading the who poem.
A beautifully sad poem.
Rose
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very scary to contemplate. What is happening in Georgia seems very close to home in its way. I always look at the denkmals around here and think how little time has passed since something so horrific went on right in my home area and what would I do if it happened again.
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Nicely done. I am a an avid reader of history. You captured the essence of the NVA or Viet Cong home front well.
I do not condemn the Vietnam War as a whole. It is a major campaign in the Cold War. It was poorly fought on a strategic level by US Forces.
The My Lai massacre was a war crime for which the most highly placed people escaped. War crimes are crimes for which the guilty should be punished. The same goes for the extermination forces from the Viet Cong and the NVA who entered the city of Hue and killed teachers, doctors, and government employees of all stripes.
If you are interested in a lesser known atrocity from the Vietnam war try Tiger Force by Michael Sallah and Mitch Weiss about depradations by rogue forces in the Song Ve Valley in 1967.
Mike
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Thank you!
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Wow. . .this poem is very touching and very well written. I honestly do not know how to respond to this. I never experienced Viet Nam, but it is stories like these that make me wish I had simply to share the pain with others because it seems to much to bear. . .
Very good, and I wish you lots of luck. -
thank you so much for your great entry!
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Very good. The Good Lord sent those evil invaders to die and go to Hell. Which is where they are now! Amen to that.
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Great emotion in this piece. Very difficult write, but you pulled it off beautifully. Definitely trophy worthy.. congratz!
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uhhmmmm
The is on the list, but you have time to fix it..;} -
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thanks, I added the title after writing the actual poem, so I didn't notice...
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Great entry...great use of the wrod bank there was no obvious way to tell that you were from refraining from using some of the key words in the English language, instead, you r poem had flow, had a story, and never seemed jolty due to teh forbidden words. An excellent write, well done, and I am extremely impressed. The message is also powerful...a great write overall, great job. My favorite line was 'a long white gown tells this girl's story' especially because you explained this is the color of mourning. Great job, good luck in the contest...I might suggest changing your title though (or adding one) just a suggestion!! Oh yeah...and you might want to change one of the goodbye's goodby is a very common word, you could use 'farewell' as your second one, or whatever the word is in vietnam for goodbye...again just a suggestion...Keep up the great writing!!
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hi there!
thank you for commenting... I agree with you about the title... but I can't think of a good one... I'm not good at finding titles for my poems, so they're usually just called "untitled" or the first line of the poem.
glad you like my poem anyway.
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Wow what an amazing piece you have written. So very sad and that emotion really comes through with your words.
An excellent 'Reverse Word Bank' All the best with this
Gaylene
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butiful but sad
love ya cuz
xxx JUdie xx
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Ah, capturing the essence of this poignant poem and pressing it to my heart, for it is sad and beautiful all at once.
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Thanks for your entry, good luck!
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