away,
stalk freedom
and haunt you with my absence.
God knows how I sometimes want to.
I was not ready for you.
Just having risen
from a grave of misery,
I did not wish to bury myself
in late nights
and early mornings.
My youth was never my own,
my mother held it in a menacing grip.
I still long to take it back
but I know I can't.
I have never attended high school
or laughed carelessly
in a car with my friends,
the wind blowing through my hair.
I do not know the word "mother"
but I try to define it
the best that I can.
I will never deny you your youth,
your laughter,
friends, school.
I will always have regrets,
always wish for what I can never have.
When I see what could have been
my heart sinks to mercurious depths.
But it will rise to new heights
when you realize these things
and sing within for each gift you are given.
I will never make you suffer
for the life I could have led.
I deserved more than I was given.
You will recieve these things
from my open hand.
Author notes
Just to clarify, I had my daughter at 23. I did not miss high school for any reason but that my mother kept me at home. She called it "home-schooling". I was kept in the house, kept locked away for the most part. I missed out on so much. My mother also used me as her income source when I got older. I have been going to college since my daughter was about two. It's hard when I see students who have parents who care about them, who send them off to school and who have every opportunity. I know that will never be me. All I can do is break the cycle.
A contest entry
- you put the poet in poetry. by apples fell.
875 points, ended October 5, 2008, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
If anyone has any ideas for a title, please let me know. I am drawing a blank.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I absolutely love the title "I could run". This is an amazing journey, beautifully presented autobiographcal poetry, beautiful on the page, beautiful in consideration of the finer details, "between the lines". Geo
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thanks. I actually couldn't come up with a title so I just took the first line of the poem and used it as the title. that used to be a popular thing but is not so much now. anyway I am glad you liked it.
Lea
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Awe. To ur msg on this peom I Know how u feal about parents not supporiting anything ! i want to be a ASL translator and they want me to do nails thus no support wat so ever
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No support whatsoever huh. At least they want you to make a living for yourself instead of being their workhorse. Did you read my author comments? Do you even understand what this poem is all about? Try not to be so crude and vacuous next time okay?
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How about "youth" for a title? It's in the poem and I think that fondness would help. I have a few suggestions, so I'll get those out of the way and then I'll either say what I like or sum it up. "God knows how I sometimes want to", I think this line might read better like this: "God, how I sometimes want to", the "knows" really isn't needed. And then this: "When I see what could have been
through others" - It's the "through others" part. It is awkward in general, but I also think the line format in this part didn't help add to the poem.
On another note, I know the authors comments are important to you, but I also wish I could gather my own interpretation without generally seeing it there at the end. Your final stanza is so wonderfully sound. It has a sylvia feeling, yet, not quite. It is still your own and that comparison is always welcome. You speak out loud here and I think that speaking aspect is really what gives this piece strength...An internal struggle that is your own, but that we can see written across your bones. A haunting piece.
Thanks so much for entering it into the contest and kenny will be around to leave his thoughts at some point as well.
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I think that the suggestion of youth for a title is fitting. Maybe I will use it within some context, something implying youth lost or stolen, though I want to keep from making it too cliched, which I know could easily be done.
As for the author comment box, I chose to use it because otherwise I feel this piece could easily imply that I missed out on high school because I was a teenage mother, which obviously isn't the case. In many of my poems I welcome open interpretation, but in something this literal I do not. 
Thanks for your quick comment.
Lea -
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Maybe like "eclipsed youth", that would work without being cliché I think. Hey I hear you about authors notes as sometimes a little clarity works, but to be honest, I got the message without it, but then again, I am usually a smart and observant reader. You are quite welcome. It wasn't so much a quick comment though as I thought about it after a few reads and what I wanted to say...LOL. I think it just appears that way sometimes as I read poetry most of the time, so it's easier for me to get involved in commenting. Again, a fine entry, for sure.
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Very Beautiful
I love the depth of this poem. I could feel your hurt through your words. I am sorry you had to suffer through that. -
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Thanks very much... I appreciate your kind words.
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