Eighteen and wondering, was there something that I've been missing,
why do I feel this way when we're making out or kissing?
Feeling left out...friends showing off their promise and engagement rings.
But, what did they have to do to receive such wonderful things?
Somewhat shy and innocent, never having laid eyes on the secrets of a man,
the words of my mother haunt me, remain virginal as long as I can.
I met a man much older than me, and we danced the summer night away.
He asked for my phone number, and promptly called the very next day.
We went out again, driving until we crossed the state line.
He promised to show me the meaning of real love, panic and fear washed over me,
knowing what was really on his mind.
My clothes fell in a pile on the floor, saying to remove them all as he watched me
from the bathroom door.
No words can desribe what I was thinking as he emerged...naked and fully aroused,
he approached the bed.
Kisses, whispers and hands all over me clouded out those little warnings going
off in my head.
He paused for a moment, searching my face as he maneuvers slowly, then I feel him
inside.
My mind runs away...unable to watch this, hands find a pillow and I try to hide.
He says this is true love, sweaty and breathing heavy, the pain overwhelms me and
he finishes with one final shove.
I couldn't believe that this was the "in" thing to do, the big deal.
It was embarrassing, didn't last long and the pain far too real.
How could I have given myself for those few moments that night?
There's no going back now and I can't make it right.
That was so long ago...and I, so young, gullible and naive.
I lost a precious part of myself and for her I will forever grieve.
I wish I had waited, kept my promise of abstinence until I was wed.
Sex was all he wanted, and bragging rights to say he had taken a young virgin to his
bed.
Author notes
female, 45 yrs. old. this was really how my first time happened for me and I have regrets to this day. making love is a beautiful thing but only if those feelings are truly shared by the one you give yourself to, otherwise, it's just sex.
A contest entry
- The First Time... by trista.
700 points, ended September 7, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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sick cu**s like that dont deserve to be called a human being. i hope if such a thing as karma exists he got or gets his comeupings. in anycase a beautiful write that really pulled on my strings, i can slightly relate on behalf of some1 else who was younger.
a truly heart wreching write, thank you for sharing.
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im very sorry, no one deserves that.. i hope he feels shame... amzing poem..
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amazing, chilling, beautiful, brillaint
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Hi there!
Thanks so much for sharing your experiences...this was a difficult entry to read, because it's so sad and even a little scary...if I imagine myself in your shoes I don't know how I would have handled that.
Like Podo, I liked reading your AN...and I'm glad this didn't affect you so much that you couldn't find the beauty of making love...when it's with the right person.
This seems like it would have been a hard poem to write, so I hope there was an element of healing in doing so. Again, thanks so much for sharing such a personal...and painful...experience.
Good luck and best wishes,
~J. -
I think it's really important to be with someone you truly love if you ever have sex (make love). It's not supposed to be a bad experience, exactly. It'll hurt the first time (or so I've heard) but they way it happened for you should have never happened.
Sorry to hear about your experience.
I'm happy to say my bf is still a virgin, as I.
I think him and I have the same feelings. So, that's definitely a plus.
What you wrote in your author's notes makes so much sense to me. I liked reading that, too.
Sincerely,
sarah ~
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i'm so sorry that you had to experience that. but i'm glad that you were able to write this beautiful piece of advice. i truly appreicate your words.
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It's too bad that this happens to people everyday...where their first time was wasted. I was lucky to have my first time shared with someone who returned the feelings...but after meeting the one I love now I wish I waited too...but my first time was no regret. Sometimes when you're young you have no control over your thoughts...or very little.
Nice rhyme...very simple but effective...you wove a story like a cloth and I enjoyed every word. Heartfelt write.
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