Did you take a vacation this summer?
Vacations just aren't like they used to be.
Oh, you can leave home, but that's the only similarity.
First of all, the traffic is terrible,
but maybe not, if gas prices have their way with our wallets.
If you pay for your gas with a credit card, it will come back to bite you.
When you get where you're going, you'll have to sleep in somebody's bed.
I prefer my own bed to anybody else's because it has my form built in.
Beds away from home have bumps and lumps in the wrong places.
Food away from home is chancy, at best, and expensive, too,
and you spend a lot of your vacation time just looking
for a place to eat, and then eating, which is a waste of time.
A vacation used to be going to a lake somewhere and fishing
and you can still do that, but if you stay in a lodge
it costs a fortune and if you stay in a tent, it's risky.
The other people who stay in campgrounds are madmen
who want to party all night and have never held a fishing pole.
They are only there to drink and play loud music, so don't go there.
That leaves day trips for vacations, which means visiting museums
and art galleries and botanical gardens with my wife
and if I complain she gives me that LOOK.
We should get vaccinations for vacations and stay home and read
National Geographic, which is now too civilized
with the natives all dressed and using cell phones.
Excuse me now while I just pretend to like my job
because this is as much of a vacation as I'm going to get.
Real vacations will kill you and working is easier and more fun, anyway.
Author notes
Some Andy Rooney ranting.
A contest entry
- PIF for the peg legged pirates who have a taste for chocolate/Andy Rooney was a common tater by malmadre.
1000 points, ended August 16, 2008, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Smile... all the while...
Comments
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a good piece that swerves the spirit into new ideas where the light of the life is constant and true - i took a vacation in the hallway of my flat, stayed there for two days in a dream, then it was time to wake up, there was no traffic though, it was quite calm.
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Ha it is risky to stay in a tent in your own yard one night Genna and I pitched the pop up tent on our trampeline and bats were flying and hitting the tent
needless to say we did not stay out there all night
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"art galleries and botanical gardens with my wife" - I love botanical gardens
"National Geographic, which is now too civilized
with the natives all dressed and using cell phones."
Have you ever read Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need? He's very funny, too. -
Smiling at those fully clad cell phone carrying natives Vacations sure are different now that we cant afford to buy gas to get to our favorite spots, backyard camping will become more popular.
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