in my life
I have been many things –
a shallow crab:
grasping bits of hair and skin
from lovers
as I passed them
boisterous in the beds of fun
then scuttling through the prison breaks
of soiled goodbyes
a clarinet:
pure and smoky solos
whispering close
against the ears of
anyone who’d listen
but, secretly,
full of other people’s breath
I am many people –
men and women
stolen with their dreams
stirred with words and epileptic eyes:
hand-thrown like clay
into this bright pastiche,
baby fingers grasping,
a childish grin
skewering its mobile face
I am not the bonfire of my life –
just the smoke
the honest man
full of lies
who writes to make each flailing day
seem sweeter than
the hollow night it hides
perhaps, come clarion call
of nature’s bright extinction
I will stand, at last, as simply me
Author notes
Prompt: In my life I have been many things..."
In a list
A contest entry
- In My Life by sassykitty.
430 points, ended August 17, 2008, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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wow! This is too fabulous!
***Pam***
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Re: Poet - Great WorK!
Well pastiche, you've really done it this time -- you got my attention and will get my praise! A superbly written poem with excellent metaphors and characterizations. What a title! Great subtlety super wording and flow! This poem speaks to me, as I have had many of these feelings / emotions before.
This is simply a very good example of outstanding contemporary poetry! I will read more of your creations!
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Had this piece not had your name attached, I would have immediately recognized it as you. The clarinet, the honesty of pretense, your unique use of line breaks .... but most especially "scuttling through the prison breaks of soiled goodbyes". A bold and moving step towards the spotlight and shadows.
a poem you hate to love
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I guess we all go through stages as a result of experience, and react in characteristic ways. We also learn from experiences--if alert and perhaps lucky, so we do not simply repeat what would turn out to be mistakes.
The search for personal identity is described here in its imitation, its searching, its gains and its losses, facing at last the simplicity of truth if it is permitted its rightful place.
I suspect that being who you are need not wait so long. The acceptance of our right to be who we are, is all that is wanting, and the realization of its real value. Authenticity is the word for a relaxed state of being, and the peace of a life well lived. In its peace, we look back with decades remaining yet of life, and know at last what it is, truly to live.
The beauty of old age is that it is always twenty years older than we are! Enjoy!
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About the poem, I know that others have already given you their superlatives and their praise in all its many iterations, and I will not take issue with any of it. They have reason for what thay say, and from their approval we gain the energy and need to keep on writing.
Just know this: the greatest thing a poem can do for a reader is to inspire. You have seen that yours did.
Often in prose like this, as it stirs up thoughts I might otherwise never have found, or if it is rhymed and metric, my own response is usually also in verse. Either way, thank you!
Terry
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Great metaphors and imagery here, and your diction is powerful and thought-provoking. I really like the concept behind this and it is also very well-written. This poem feels so honest and genuine: I smile at the fact that this narrator seeking authenticity and individuality expresses thoughts that in fact reveal his or herself clearly and honestly. At least that's how it seems to me. Sorry if I'm just spurting nonsense. Well, this is certainly a beautiful and well-written poem!
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Thanks for your comments: much appreciated!
A quick thought: no matter how one tries to conceal themself in life, the real person always sneaks how in their writing... lol
Best, p -
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Without a doubt
I think it's the same for just about anything: writing, painting, dancing, composing, singing, acting... Any artistic expression we create is going to have a trace of who we are.
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It took me a couple of reads to get your drift, though a word or two still give me pause. I might have used failing rather than flailing. Otherwise it's great. Happy trails
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Flailing...
Thanks for your thoughts and comments!
Quick note: I used 'flailing' to show our thrashing around each day - working to just get through life, trying to make sense of it. Whereas 'failing' would just have shown a sad 'giving up'...
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Very good read. I enjoyed your metaphors and the flow of it. You show yourself w/o reservation Good luck and pen on...~Poo~
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Mortality, immortality, caught here with oblique words holding the reader in stasis. A poem of undoubted depth.
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This poem really spoke to me. Your use of metaphors are simply fantastic, simply and utterly amazing. You have a talent for words and everything else literal.Amazing and perfection.
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EXCELLENT WORK
I think we all can relate to this poem. My goal in life is to be as "Authentic" as I can be. It has taken me 45 years to learn what that means and I don't always succeed, but at the very least...I am aware. Great job on this piece.
Nevadapoet
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Liked the flow of these lines and the sentiments expressed so well in this poem. Wonderful metaphores - I played the clarinet in the town band when I was a teen and enjoyed that part very much. Enjoyed reading your take on the prompt - great ending as well.
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honesty
I feel honesty about your poem; a true introspection of yourself with reverent humbleness to nature, where no man can stand before alone, naked, wanting, and not find himself.
Darmok, thoroughly enjoyed your voice -
Outstanding
This is a really good poem. I loved how you described yourself using very concrete images and bringing the whole poem to life. I particularly liked the fifth stanza which is full of poetry:
seem sweeter than
the hollow night it hides
Over-all I thought this was poetic with a lot of depth. Best of luck in the contest.
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Transparent and yet minutely opaque as smoke: my lungs seek to breathe your essence. I am trying, so desperately hard, to find anything--something--wrong with this poem. Though I've never heard your voice, I know you speak to me.
Again, you've accomplished with little (I assume) effort to allow the audience to find their personal truth by simply expressing your own.
I'm quasi-serious about the stalking bit as well: I'm going to London in the spring (if all goes according to my diabolic scheme) to study British Literature. So...I'm going to work hard to find out where you live and stand under the rain with my periscope (where will I get the submarine part) to observe your brilliance in the hopes it will infect me.
Sorry for the long review.
Avatar
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"who writes to make each flailing day
seem sweeter than
the hollow night it hides"
Magnificence. 
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this is fab, love the clarinet part, really takes me there.
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This is so evocative! I loved the way you use such a variety of metaphor to describe yourself. We are such compplex creations and this really encapsulates the human condition. The final declaration and affirmation 'I will stand, at last, as simply me' surely sums it all up. This is brilliant, I'll try not to wax lyrical too much but I loved this! A well crafted and profound write, thanks for sharing and good luck in my contest. To the finalists list with you!
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