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Fuck struck the gut

Fearful
Sunglass eyes
Petrified

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1 - 13 of 13

  • unavailable
    September 3, 2008

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    confused.....


    I liked the title better than the......haiku?


  • einsof
    August 10, 2008

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    love it. LOVE when the title is key to the work itself. sunglass eyes. that is a definable emotion right there. i can feel this emotionally and viscerally.


  • sailor ptolema
    August 8, 2008
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    ....?

    I'm sorry, what is this supposed to be about?


    • jscribbled
      August 8, 2008
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      not sure, probably some overly critical critique about everyday humanity. I am never really sure about my own writing.


      • sailor ptolema
        August 9, 2008
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        I would definitely expand this . As I feel you just threw words together. If you use some poetic devices to expound upon these words, it could be pretty cool . I like "sunglass eyes".... I'd really flesh this out .

        -sailor ptolema


        • jscribbled
          August 9, 2008

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          hey thanks for the encouragement. that means a lot.
          Yeah sunglass eyes pretty much makes the poem.

          Read another one of my poems.


          • sailor ptolema
            August 9, 2008
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            I shall, later. i need sleep, i just got off work at Starbucks, and I'm beat lol. I must warn you though, I don't give fluff comments lol. You might not want me to comment.. . I just hope you are not one of those spineless plebeians that can't handle constructive criticism. . Because that's all I give.


            • jscribbled
              August 9, 2008
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              your making me second guess myself. I'm pretty sensitive, and right now I'm in this stage where my beliefs are hard-set.


              • sailor ptolema
                August 9, 2008

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                Well, then honestly, you don't want me to comment . But, I will say, I critique the poem, not the poet. Never have, never will. And my comments are intended to improve the poem. They in no way reflect my views on the author. If you feel intimidated...you are rightfully so. lol. I don't give fluff comments or shit like:
                ~dat wuz $ooo Uhmazing, i feLt dat, likE a nife in da gutt~~~

                LOL.


                • jscribbled
                  August 9, 2008
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                  aye, its hard to write poem, and so its probably hard to describe a how a poem makes you feel can't really understand it.
                  but I admire your good commenting ethics.

                  i really understand where your coming from, like... i just can't stand fluffy comments.

                  • sailor ptolema
                    August 9, 2008
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                    me either. They make me want to vomit.


                    • jscribbled
                      August 9, 2008
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                      sketchy is slang for unclear. I don't get it. its meaning is blurry.

                      read my poems i'm going to bed.

1 - 13 of 13