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Rock Away

pour everything into a shuffle box
I give you my word that you're the only hands
to graze my hips, to touch my lips

match the puzzle pieces that build my heart
I trust the mellow font that stings my screen
you complete each day, with words you say

breathless empty heartshaped locket
wrapped around our necks too tight
you're my air, the wind within my hair

explore the deep rock center of the moon
you'll find all of me buried deep in there
with a note to dedicate me to you

crush the fragile glass that encases my world
its time to be shattered, rebuilt to your perfection
I can't keep up, I'm not nearly strong enough

strip the tree of the skin that holds it together
I'll stand there proud to know I'm in your hands
you're free to carry on, I'll gladly sing along

rock away in a boat crafted by our fairytale ending
the magic of our longing hopes
are able to withstand,
I'll fight for you.

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7
  • Topnotchsy
    October 16, 2008

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    I like this a lot. Rhythm didn't bother me,a nd there were some great lines:

    "match the puzzle pieces that build my heart"
    "crush the fragile glass that encases my world"

    and others.


  • x Emo Cheese
    October 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You have a beautiful poem here
    The first stanza especially sticks out to me, your words just seem to strike a chord within.


  • missygreendaychimp
    October 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    the flowing doesn't make much difference, it's still and amazing and beautiful poem [:

    "crush the fragile glass that encases my world
    its time to be shattered" is my favorite part!

    great work


  • close to home
    October 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think it is really alright. in my opinion not all poems have to flow. Its not the way they flow that I look for tis the words conneting, the way you express youself. Good write all in all. *DANI*


  • Rhythm Child
    October 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    crush the fragile glass that encases my world
    its time to be shattered, rebuilt to your perfection
    I can't keep up, I'm not nearly strong enough <<, these lines in particular i think are very good

  • Rhythm Child
    October 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    tied around our necks a bit too tight, i would change this to wrapped around our necks to tight because i think it adds more seriousness to your poem, but it still is a very good poem


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    August 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wonderful strong and i think you have some wise words in here too, keep it flowing

1 - 7 of 7