nothing sweeter,,,
than his embrace
the look of love on his face
nothing harder...
than the desire i feel
and wondering if this is really real
nothing more...
than a moment of passion
a decision to bind us in a lasting fashion
i am not sure...
is it just the stress and a way to vent
let out all the emotions i kept pent
he says...
i love you we can wait
baby be sure there are other days
they say...
wait because its wrong
or everyones doing it play along
but dont...
give in to less than you heart
know if he is where you are
please just think...
know he may leave, but do what you feel
follow your heart is knows whats real
be careful...
please do this right
make sure you remember fondly this night
thats my advice...
all i have to say
dont regret it one day
thats it...
all i have to give
and just because i never regreted it..he always did
Author notes
I am sixteen years old and a gal
A contest entry
- The First Time... by trista.
700 points, ended September 7, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What can I improve on?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Whilst the rhyme was a tiny bit forced in some places, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this poem - the ideas you put through in it were so profound; seriously, and well - I can't really say anymore, just totally enjoyed reading this - very well put together, and best of luck in the competition!
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Hi there
This is a lovely piece of advice, and I thank you for sharing it. Your last line really got me! Sometimes I think we are so much more aware of girls regretting their first time, and we have this perception that guys never regret it because that's "all they were after" to begin with. I'm finding more and more, that isn't always the case. ..which, although sad, is actually a little reassuring to me at the same time.
From a technical aspect, the rhyme is a wee bit forced, and you have a couple of typos you might want to go back and fix. However...the contest is really more about the message, and you have plenty of that.
I appreciate your taking the time to write for and enter the contest, and thank you again for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I really and truly hope your future relationships are all you ever dreamed!
Good luck and best wishes,
~J.
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I read this, and was very impressed. This poem stands out strong and just has so much meaning. I dare to enter the contest now .... I'm scared to come up against such a lovely poem that you penned. Great job!
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thank you so much! well dont let me stop you for entering. its a decent write, no where near my best, and i am sure youll do wonderful. enter!!
again thank you i appreciate you taling the time to read this.
chelsea -
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Thanks, I'll try to be creative ...
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lol do so. i look forward to readin your entery very much my dear poet
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Bravisimo!
=-O its fantastic! I hope you win this one Oh annnd, Yousa pretty 16 year old gal, and You should smack a foo anytime he tries to get down and funky withya. Tell him to go play hanky spanky by himself haha
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awww joshy i love you lol
well thanks, im not sure if itll win but it was fun to write. im not that pretty lol ty tho. and its a lil late for that..but i will next time i promise lol
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