Saddened beauty falls curiously,
examining hours of empty space.
Running from exacting silence-
trying to keep quickened pace.
Drafted laughter falls in time,
spinning theories against pale wall-
scattering hope towards dark sea
whilst ignoring saddened call.
Careful angst makes mute point,
abusing drastic power for self gain,
taking advantage of frail weakness
as they make for running train.
Pretty anger exacts tempered revenge
upon perfect people of pure sin,
petty amusement dampens fall-
sets even jagged win.
Simpering sorrow whimpers silently,
taking in hopeless situations,
calling upon anxious brevity
praying for no altercations.
A contest entry
- Reverse Word Bank by Loki.
1500 points, ended August 3, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Stupore Rounds -Prewrites- by rainbows..
400 points, ended August 19, 63 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be harsh, be specific.
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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No, sorry.
This was a good poem, yes, but I felt there was something missing. This didn't hold as much emotion as I would hope from the title. I did like the alliteration and how well the images are constructed but I want to see emotion in the images as well. Also, like, August, work on your meter, even if you don't plan on entering rhyme you should do it anyway. But these are just my opinions. Thanks for entering.
Josh
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I appreciate your honesty. Though to reply to your comment about wanting to -feel/see- emotion, that wasn't the point of this piece. I was supposed to give each emotion... well, a personality. Thus the 'Personified.' Each 'emotion' could be replaced with a name in this instance.
^^
-Lilsie.
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yes, but if you do make it to round one, i suggest working a little on your meter if you plan to enter future rounds with rhyme. i see potential, though.
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I don't plan to enter rhymeeveragain.
Rhyme isn't my thing- but Ivy reads a lot of my work, and I wanted to make sure she got something of mine that she hadn't read yet.
But thank you for the kind comment. -
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it's a good poem, but i tend to judge rhyme a little harsher than free verse or prose.
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Yes.
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I can see the immagery flowing in its best to bring the impact....Well done my friend..My thanks for sharing it ..
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It was hard for me to know exactly what you were talking about...I s I still don't get it...sorry. -
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That would be because it isn't really talking about one thing.. This poem is all about personified emotions- so I took different emotions and put them in a situation- gave them a voice to how they'd act.
Thanks for the read.
-Les -
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Thank You Thank You Thank You
Thank you for your kind comments, they mean a lot. Visit again and I'll do the same.
Nevadapoet
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Very effective opening in drawing in the reader, I liked the personification of beauty and laughter in particular. Excellent imagery used throughout, this is a thoughtful and extrememly well constructed piece. You use sibilance very well and I did like this, a lot. Well done and thanks for sharing. Congratulations on your trophy.
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oh my goodness!!! that was really good!!! and VERY well written!! i loved it!! great job!!
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Poem was so good i had to read it twice! Great Job dude.
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Thanks for entering, good luck.
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