Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

right now is not forever


I can't see anymore
The storm has blocked my sight
I fear I'm approaching a rocky shore
I silently cry out for aid with my plight

The waves of life crash against me
Relentlessly they come
Washing away my sanity
Shredding me undone

A voice I hear above the gale
Reminding me I'm not alone
Giving me the strength to exhale
No matter where I might be blown

To golden sands he points my bow
Whispers to see the light in any endevour
His warm comfort reminds me that while it's bad right now
Right now is not forever

 

A contest entry

ever feel so overwhelmed that you almost can't breath...this is how I remember that I still can

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Dark Otter
    August 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Good metaphor!

    I like your combination of life philosophy and poetry. The captain of your ship must have a 'sure hand' to keep you from hitting rocks. The last line is 'platinum'. "Right now is not forever", is just plain wonderful.


  • sassykitty
    August 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I'll be honest and say from the out I'm not a huge fan of rhyme but I felt that this worked and the rhymes overall didn't read as if they were artificial or strained. A very honest and intense write, the vivid imagery really communicates this opennes to the reader. Minor crit, you may want to have a play around with some of the line lengths, particularly the penultimate line of the final stanza as it seems longer and out of step with the rest. Regardless this is well written. Good luck in your contest, thanks for sharing.


  • ellaelu
    August 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think this is beautiful. It exposes the pain, while reminding, that there is always a better day coming.


  • aanika
    August 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    To golden sands he points my bow
    Whispers to see the light in any endevour
    His warm comfort reminds me that while it's bad right now
    Right now is not forever

    this was so good!
    the rhyming wasn't forced.
    the flow was a little off at times, but whose isn't?
    loved it.


  • Raptur3
    August 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The waves of life crash against me
    My favorite line. Countless times i felt like this was the worst thing tht ever happened and tht I'll nevr get past it. The thing is you do, I did, you poem demonstrates that in a hopeful colorful way (for lack of a better word) It inspired me. Times where I've fallen flat on my face so many time i feel distorted and confused, like i not only lost my breath but myself....I keep going on. Your poem signifies that and that is what makes this beautiful. I wish there were more of the applaud things you deserve more than three.


  • tfenix
    August 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    wonderful!

    I see you have your own "Sabine" of sorts - kudos!


    • DreamReader
      August 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      I guess...

      it could be interpreted that way...but not really what I had in mind when I wrote it...lol...thanks for the applause ^_^


  • hotchocolate gold member
    August 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is really good I like this!

    The waves of life crash against me
    Relentlessly they come
    Washing away my sanity
    Shredding me undone

1 - 11 of 11