There was a sound in the darkest ebony of night
I couldn't discern it's location, for I couldn't see
The pain that coursed throughout my being
resonated from the origins of a white-hot noise
Then recognition dawned on me
my heart was breaking
There was a sound in the darkest ebony of night
I couldn't discern it's location, for I couldn't see
The pain that coursed throughout my being
resonated from the origins of a body-numbing pain
Then recognition dawned on me
it was my sobbing
There was a tear in the darkest ebony of night
I couldn't discern it's materialization, for I couldn't see
The despair that coursed through my being
resonated from the origins of a heart-wrenching fear
Then recognition dawned on me
I am falling apart
There was a deluge in the darkest ebony of night
I couldn't discern it's ending, for I couldn't see
The desperation that coursed through my being
resonated from origins of a faith-bending loneliness
Then recognition dawned on me
will we be alright
There was a shattering in darkest ebony of night
I couldn't discern it's beginning, for I couldn't see
The emptiness that coursed through my being
resonated from origins of a life-altering knowledge
I just broke completely
- Gallery of Poetic Artistry group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Not for the Weak. (Six for luck!) by Curious LiLi.
452 points, ended October 13, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Nevermore . . . (Dark and emotional prewrites contest) by BrokenGlassRose.
800 points, ended November 10, 53 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Brick by Brick Tear by Tear
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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I lobe the word ebony, especially to describe night time so using it in your title made me want to read it so much more.
Oh wow, this is absolutely amazing. The repitition suits it perfectly and just drive each point home and right into the heart. There was an impact made with the ending of the first line that made me just go "Oh man, that's just so sad -stereotypical clutch chest-". Really quite an outstanding peice. Definately a finalist. -
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Thanks so much for such a positive compliment...I really am glad you enjoyed it. I was pretty lost when I wrote this...not finding myself too quickly either...thanks again. ~gypsy~
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What a stunning form of repetition you have used for this piece, it has a great impact and wonderful addition to the emotion.
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A haunting, sad feeling just resonates over this poem
Very well expressed and your word choice paints the perfect picture in showing that -
Very sad
My heart breaks with this poem for I feel many feeling this everyday and alone they refuse to get beyond the room their prison they so have locked themselves within as thought the entire room is their mind the cage from within where the mind only holds the key to freedom so refused
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the heart cracking and the sound of sobbing made me plunge into that deluge you created with words ,emotion and darkness...very touching.
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I like it, and yet I don't. I like the fact that you were repetitive with some of the lines, but I thik that was too much repetition. The way you took on this subject was unique, and I love that. It was nicely written, and had a good flow. Great!
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I enjoyed the repetition of this piece, and you did a great job with the inspiration. It was intensely descriptive, which I like a lot.
Thanks for entering! -
Please look over the rules again.
Thanks -
Uniquely well done
I've never read a write quite like this before,
Much enjoyed
Keep it up and welcome to the group
Ken
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You chose a longtime favorite of mine for inspiration. I was quickly pulled into the dark pain and solitude of this write, or maybe those were just the emotions it stirred in me. I was intrigued by the repetition as well. Thanks for your entry!
Elaina
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nicely penned . . liked "There was a sound in the darkest ebony of night" and "resonated from origins of faith-bending loneliness" . . well done and good luck in the contest
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hmmmmmm...heart breaking actually...sometimes you are just hurt so badly that you just don't notice yourself, getting lost,breaking down, shattering, becoming a disaster...its kind of amazing and sad how we love a person with all our heart, so much that we forget ourselves and they don't think twice before letting us break... Who wants to break? I don't feel anyone does...sometimes you just don't realise..that you need YOURSELF more than anyone else... sometimes you are so devoted to a person you forget that you need to devote sometime to yourself as well... I understand how the world comes crashing down as a heart breaks...I know the pain.
through this poem you have potrayed a billion emotions-the unexplainible paroxyms, the colorless bedlam that locks you in forever, how tittle-by-tittle the heart breaks into a million pieces...the awakening of a tragedy- so so much that can never be put into words...its a masterpiece.
The metaphors,the imagery,the flow,the style, everything is exeptional...!!
BEAUTIFUL PIECE....KEEP WRITING
Take Care Always
Isha
ps- I hope all written in this poem does not apply to you or to anyone in this world, as this state is absolutely devastating...
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Outstanding
This is really good. I liked the repetition and the way you brought the whole poem together ending each stanza in a different way. This is a haunting poem, dark and mysterious. I liked it a lot. Fantastic to read.
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Very touching. Loved how you repeated with variations on each stanza. The next to the last stanza had me thinking it might be alright then the last stanza showed it was you still trying to fight for it to work. Great flow and meter. Pen on...~Poo~
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This is a great piece of poetry. I love the way it's written, I can feel it - it's very real to me.
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Vivid imagery as ever in your work and I liked the way this uses metaphor. Also liked the repetition of form and line starters, it suits this piece. A searingly honest write that shows raw emotions in all their starkness. I think the reader can easily relate to the feelings you have described so powerfully. If this is autobiographical, I hope writing this proved a cathartic experience. Thanks for sharing.
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There was a sound in the darkest ebony of night
I couldn't discern it's location, for I couldn't see
The pain that coursed throughout my being
resonated from the origins of a white-hot noise
Then recognition dawned on me
my heart was breaking
WOW. amazing
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Sweetie, you can ALWAYS talk to me!
I will always listen!
I love the piece, it is good!
Talk to me!
I am here!
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