Take this broken table, please
down to the basement and out of sight.
I tire more with every day
of aching joints content to lay
as ruined wood against my might
amidst a deluded ease.
Years of children singing grace
‘round this altar, delighting me
revive a vision overhead
of smells of youth and hearts of bread
content below a willow tree
that weeps for their embrace.
Seas of peace rise up to meet
joyful hearts releasing the past.
This table broke from weight of truth
of food prepared in simple youth
conceived of faith, compelled to fast
for waving fields, replete.
Author notes
By: Sultan Abdulla Al-Dulaimy
I saw a broken table in a dream one night when I’d been thinking about my lack of connectedness to my wife, our children and grandchildren. I’d been feeling anxiety over our disunity all day; and the unlikelihood that we'll ever regularly gather together again for meals like we used to. Our respective endeavors have spread us out all over the world. The broken table is a metaphor for the time and distance between us ... which is something that's giving me some difficulty.
A contest entry
- Imagery is where it's at... by Sincerely.
525 points, ended September 7, 2008, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - otherwise... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
300 points, ended September 17, 2008, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please be honest and open.
Comments
1 - 74 of 74
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I love how you connect the table to yourself. This is a truly amazing write. Keep up the great writing, and never stop smiling!
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I very much like the symbolism – broken table for disconnected family – although in my experience tables are much easier to fix than folk!
The meaning of the last stanza eludes me – particularly the last line - the rest seems to hint at Ramadan or Lent, is that the cause of replete fields or are they also a metaphor? Good anyway, despite the complex rhyme hardly a hint of contrived wording – well done
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I missed it ...
Thanks for the thoughtful comment. In the closing stanza I’m attempting to communicate a way to find peace in the midst of feeling disconnected. I’m suggesting we can release our past and let go of regrets; especially, the ones from failing to love any better than we were able. After 35 years of traveling, in search of ‘waiving fields, repleat’ for the ones I love, I realize that I pretty much ‘missed the boat’ in life. My precious children have grown, and I missed it.
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wow, the metaphore is great. good job and good luck, both in the contest and with your famil
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Humm..this is really a piece to touch and to be touched as well......I love it..well done..and thanks for sharing it...
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I am very young but I still see the reality and truth in the poem. After my Great Grandmother passed away family get-togethers aren't the same. Less and less make time to come. We all know what's missing, what's old and broken, and it's hard to face. I love how you wrote this poem. To you the metaphor means one thing, but you have left your reader with the ability to make it his or her own too. Thank you. Great read.
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The rhyme scheme is technically brilliant... Just for that, ignoring the contents, you deserve the Mighty THREE!!!
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i shivvered
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i feel like ive learned
it a great poem i hope you make even lore it helps me understand more of the world thanks a lot!
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A truly touching family poem. I think everyone can understand that in today's world, families don't sit down and eat dinner together anymore, and the older kids get the harder it is to just take a break from life and be closest with the ones you love the most. Very good Poem.
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I hope that you can work everything out between your family. This was a great piece
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Sacrifice
This beautiful piece speaks to me of sacrifice. The wooden altar of the gathering together and the giving of thanks for the bountiful provision and the blessing of fruitfulness has also become the altar where you have poured your lifes blood to MAKE provision (the bread) thereby sacrificing such vital unity through this abyss of time and space (the willow trees longing for their embrace..*love that). Thank you, dear poet, for such a graceful flow of the heart onto paper. I am sure it is a theme that many "bread winners" can relate to very well.
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soulful
You have captured, with keen accuracy, the rawness and pain we all feel in relationships at some point in our lives. You are the table, and maybe you feel broken and are waiting, fasting, for the full waving fields, which should come after the years of giving. This is a tender and almost heart-wrenching image. But it’s not an uncommon feeling for us humans. We are here for but a passing moment in time, and it seems there is too much to learn in our short lives…but this is all we’re given. We are disconnected from the beginning; our lives are meant to be spent in this process of “becoming”…becoming whole ourselves and in our relationships. Carl Jung says of marriage… “there is no birth of consciousness without pain”, and I think we know this to be true in all meaningful relationships. I think the fast is wholesome, and the harvest will come.
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Beautiful piece. I was checking out the most popular poems this week and this one was #1....for very good reason. The metaphor is beautiful and the rhythm and rhyming is wonderful. Best of luck in connecting more with your family.
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amazing
absolutely amazing -
This is a simple but highly effective metaphor for the unity that surrounds a family meal. The phrasing is not stilted and the rhyme is easy and thoughtful. I particularly enjoyed the phrase, "smells of youth and hearts of bread" because it was so evocative of the chaos and wonder of family. It is one of the sad facts of the 21st century that families are scattered to the winds. Even those who live in the same house rarely take the time to sit down to an old-fashioned family dinner to exchange ideas along with the roast beef. Very nicely written.
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well done
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Seasons of Life
The table so broken..perhaps part of the problem with loveones separated like this is that they have confused their selves with the selves of important people in their lives..hope each piece of your table is beautifully put together again soon.
Conni~
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Despite a kind of awkward shift from the colloquial to more poetic language, I like stanza one and two. The images are very clear. I'm a little confused in the last stanza by "food prepared in simple youth" that broke the table. I thought the table broke after the youth because the "food" had changed.
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Thanks for struggling a little ... (smile)
If you teach a child to be free and enjoy their life, there may come a day when you feel a little left behind. In this stanza, I'm trying to express something about that.
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What can I say, that hasn't been said. You are a true poet. There's Such beauty in you. It's like coming home to read your writing.
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I envy your poetic ability. The rhyme and meter all seems to be leading up to the last stanza, which really moves the soul. It is like a song that really hits home for me.
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Good poem
Hey man, I read the Authors notes and noticed the inspiration for it. You have the heart of a poet, I know it when I see it. People like you, like me can put things together again simply because of the way of thinking we have. Unless there has already been a divorce its not too late to save your marridge. Contemplate, and think with a level head, and Im sure you'll come through. -
Oh. This is a nice little poem that you have going on here. I thought you took an interesting dream and really ran with it and made it something deep and worth speculating. I don't think of my own dreams that much but I could see how the broken table could represent your family. I think that if you care that much, then it should all work out for you in the end!
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This was a truly beautiful poem. The table symbolizes so much! I love this piece. Honest, beautiful and true
Years of children singing grace
‘round this altar, delighting me
beautiful words!
Oz
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Oh, how the line about the willow tree touched me! This is so beautiful.... One of the most thoughtful poems I've ever read on AllPoetry. It upset me, but in a deep, moving way. Beautiful.
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GREAT
Great write.
Nevadapoet -
I can well relate to this poem, as children grow and spread all over the country, or to other countries, they become voices on the phone, grandchildren duitifully sending best wishes to hazy memories. Well told friend.
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I like it, but it was hard to follow. It got me thinking! lol great job
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very nice piece. i especially like the last few lines "conceived of faith, compelled to fast
for waving fields, replete". ended very nicely.
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This is beautiful and reminded me of a Neil Diamond song about a "table, carved with nails and pride...for my children"
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Penned with sadness ,yet your words certainly takes the reader right into you thought pattern...an exceptional write. Thank you for allow ing the read.... continue the penning ..bless
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You speak from my own heart here, Poet...words I couldn't find myself...thank you. Rich memory is evident and yet subtly infused within the text. I am sure many whose family has grown and moved away are feeling this distance and having some of the same difficulty with it...Peace be to you and your family, Rhonda
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Nicely written and defined. A profound feeling laid on the table. No pun intended.
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This poem is sad, it is a reflection of your sorrowed soul and it also speak of a man who values his family and through this poem I can see how much you love them and the anxiety you feel must be really hard to deal with. I love the use of metaphors and the fact that you used your dinner table for this shows a lack of nutrition to your soul. Not seeing each other is leaving the hunger for that connection.
One way I ease my pain is by knowing that at night we are all under the same stars...
Welcome back my friend.
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prof. mes/congratulates/yer thesis
I love the sea(not seas) of peace
It's in the horizon of Abrahamic religions!
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Then break the wood from the table
and build a mighty bridge....and pave it with your words of love
and humility for this beautiful poem you have
written to honor your family.
I felt every word of your poem!
well done poet, well done!
ears/Seattle
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Wow! I know how this feels, actually. You have amazed me by your ability to make me recall those feelings of a cold shoulder and solitude. You did very well here with the rhyming and the meter is superb. I can't find any mistakes, just praise. You should do well in this contest.
She-ra
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such great poetic art.i loved it.its one of the poems that reaches down and touches you in the heart.thank you for sharing this.it really is a great poem.thanks for sharing it.
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Very Cold
This poem felt very cold to me, and with good reason. The coldness of an empty table, the metaphor of it being broken, just screams abandonment. So I feel this poem was very effective, driving home the concept of disjointed family. -
I love the metaphor "broken table" and that to which it refers, I also like the form that you have used, but am unsure about the flow. Maybe it is just me after reading a number of poems I can't get into a different rhythme. Anyhow This is a lovely emotional piece and I am really pleased that I clicked on, I will definately read some more of your poetry. Val
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I think the broken table symbolizes your family falling apart. The metaphor was excellent and the poem was beautiful with a perfect flow. All we can do each day is try and hope that tomorrow will bring one thing good, no matter how small it is.
-Chloe
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Wow, this is truly a meaningful metaphor.
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I really enjoyed this poem, the metaphor is fantastic.
I found the rhyme scheme difficult the first time round but I really grasped it on the second read!! Very clever!!
I will check out some more of your writes!!
Diamond Butterfly x -
Outstanding
I thought this poem was excellent with a fine extended metaphor (the table)symbolizing so much more. The rhyme scheme was unusual and added to the poem. I thought the flow was excellent and I liked the message of the poem. Fantastic to read.
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Emotional and powerful
I really enjoyed this; the imagery was powerful (the comparison of aching joints and ruined wood especially stands out in my mind), and your rhyme scheme was effective, flowed wonderfully, and didn't seem forced at all.
My only critique is a very small one. In the first line, the insertion of "please" seems awkward and prevented me from getting into the poem as quickly (even if it was only for one or two more lines). I recognize that you need "please" to rhyme with "ease" at the end of the stanza, but the effect is a little too jarring for me.
Anyway, other than that one nitpicky thing, I thought this was wonderful. Good job.
-CJ
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Completely and utterly amazing. I love the rhyme scheme; I've never seen anything like it before, yet it flows so well.
Great job!
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The memories are flowing back to me now. Well done.
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The rhyme scheme worked really well for you, and you weren't cliche with it, and you didn't force it...Good job, there's nothing in the world of Poetry I dislike more, than reading forced poetry.
"Years of children singing grace
‘round this altar, delighting me
revive a vision overhead
of smells of youth and hearts of bread
content below a willow tree
that weeps for their embrace."
Were my favorite lines...I liked the image of the willow actually weeping...Nice
Brandon
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wow your poem is amazing.
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Excellent! A wonderful flow and use of rhyme, and a very poignant theme.
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Well done envelope stanzas, abccba rhyme is always hard to pull off and these work really well
Jeff
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"amidst a deluded ease" I loved this. Altogether a beautiful work of flowing images in beautiful words.
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This has a beautiful lyric flow, enhanced by the envelope rhyme. Sounds impel from one line to the next, making each stanza a single, musical utterance. It's really quite beautiful and a delight to read. Well done.
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Her Journals ...
... your poem, http://allpoetry.com/poem/3766044, was on my mind for months, as I worked on totally unrelated activites. Then, I got the chance, and used your form for this. Thanks for all you do here at AllPoetry. We learn from you! Warm regards, Sultan
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This was a truly compact and intriguing use of language and symbolism. The table analogy was interesting to me. Whenever the sea is used as a passionate yearning for something that is longing within a writer it really does make me want to read on in the piece to see how it will finish. Well done to you. Anthony.
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A very mature, refelctive piece, ruminating on the passage of life and using extremely effective imagery and metaphor throughout. Appropriate use of vocabulary to suit the tone and mood, yes it is relatively solemn, almost creating an elegaic mood. I did enjoy reading your work, thanks for sharing, I hope you had success in your contest.
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Superior
Without divigating, you've explained the irrefutable parts of age, reality, and related emotions. I didn't feel that this could necessarily be described as despondent, depairing, or even heartsick. But rather an afflatus on the affects of unconditional love. In the same respect, the rhyme scheme makes your feelings and thoughts readable. I didn't feel pummeled by Marinism, or excessive ornateness marked by the use of extravagant metaphors.
"I tire more with every day
of aching joints content to lay
as ruined wood...amidst a deluded ease."
"...compelled to fast
for waving fields, replete."
You've fine picked these words to decribe a restless mind and your fatigue. Thank you for expressing life from your point of view, as it was original. Good luck in the contest.
Peace
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your write is amazing. Your a true poet Sultan.
Good luck in this contest
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Thank you for another wonderful poem. Extremely well written. It flows easily and conveys the imagery with clarity. The sombre mood of this piece carries the feelings of remembrance and sadness. I really enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing.
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Every so often we need to be reminded of our simple grace... Especially when life starts to get complicated... Sometimes we need to remember to appreciate our blessings!!! Such a heartfelt poem can do this... Thank-you!!
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I found the mood sad as it is not only the table has gone old and worn out .This is a family history telling of a simple God fearing family content in their life .Loved it Wonderful ,Written beutifully.
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metaphoric
I enjoyed reading this metaphoric poem about how years and routines can make a relationship change in ways that were not expected.
best wishes in the contest,
Myron. -
The wonders that this bountiful table must have held are a treasure chest of memories of which this poem lifts the lid for the reader to take the smallest glimpse. It entices the mind to wander over ones own life to seek hidden treasures from the past. The meter and rhyme are a pleasure I’ve come to appreciate from your pen while the imagery is vivid and quite beautiful, particularly in the lines:
of smells of youth and hearts of bread
content below a willow tree
that weeps for their embrace.
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I just loved everything about this one. The imagery, the flow, the metaphore and overall tone. Nicely done! It made me recall past love in my life.
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Beautifully written. Very good voice and flow. A lot of imagery which I like in a poem. You make the reader FEEL the words they are seeing. Pen on...~Poo~
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Beautiful verse, replete with images that speak of past loves and honest labour. I for one would mend the table; the grace of the past can be enjoyed in the present, a reminder of the constancy of time. (one small editing suggestion: 2nd stanza, 2nd line, did you mean "altar", as that gives me the image of simple worship, simple joy, in the room that is the heart of family)
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I did mean altar ... thanks
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This is really beautiful..The grace in your words really bring out the beauty of this piece.. I really loved the imagery and emotion in this write.. thank you very much for sharing! best of luck in the contest..
Angel
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I am glad I clicked on this,
great flow and a unique style
and truely a masterpiece indeed!,Hazel
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It has a nice style to it.It has a beautiful rhyme to it.This is very creative,And I liked the form to it.
It was really good.I liked it, and keep on writing these kind of poems.
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you have style and grace. This table broke from weight of truth, and how many was that?. that one line is reminiscent to many meetings of a variety of people. Loved it. Sir Titus
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i enjoyed this thoroughly...the rhyming seems to me and the meter impeccable
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thanks so much for entering, this was a lovely piece to chew upon, lots fo wonderful thoughts and ideas put together, take care and good luck
Stephanie ♥
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